Arranged marriage ? or free choice of spouse ?

[Gothic Lolita]

In some countries or societies like mine, the husband has to be approved by the father or the head of the family in order to take a girl's hand in marriage. Once the father is pleased, then it depends on the girl's choice, either she accepts or not. But sometimes, and this rarely happens, the girl or the guy doesnt have a choice or an opinion in this matter.

While in other countries or societies , the girl can choose any companion she desires and is most happy with. And the parents or family members, often have little to say about it.

And in my opinion, its not ALL about religious backgrounds that influence people's choices.


What is ur opinion ? Which do you prefer ? and why ?


No flamming, bashing, or discrimination of opinions which you dont support. :)

[emoloz]

I choose freedom of choice. I think its fine that a parent should approve but to me i believe you should choice the one you want to be with its just as simple as that really. Not all arranged marriages fail and a lot more free choice marriages fail. I just think people should be themseleves and life the life they want to live. The world was given to freedom of choice so why not im marriage. I don't think its religion either because some parents say well i'd like to meet who you want to be with to make sure your safe and such things.

Personality i just love people to be able to do what they want, when they want, what they like. Its their lives so why give them a marriage that they don't particiualry want when they cna have a marriage with a soul mate instead and someone they truely care for and if it goes wrong they can learn from their mistakes because in this world you have to learn from mistakes otherwise when you make them you make them far worse than if you make them again.

[Kojy]

Wedding is a really important moment in someone's life and will determinate a lot after the ceremony or the agreement to bond with your partner. I'm for freedom of choice, but i agree that most of relatives from both part of the couple should have their opinion about it, since a rushed marriage can do lot of damage in future and eventually end up into a divorce. The fact most of couples are breaking bonds more and more nowadays is due to rushed ideas to marry someone when they know half about that person and didn't have the time to discover her true nature, both parts need some kind of compatibility so they can mutually understand each other while arguing each day about some personal matter.

[Shinrin]

But sometimes, and this rarely happens, the girl or the guy doesnt have a choice or an opinion in this matter.

Is a big no imo, if it's like that then we're back to mariages for peace of times of old.


Well But if it's just about getting the aproval of the head family...hmm... Then im 50v50.
Since if i were to get a child some day i'd prefeer to get along with there partner & hopefully find the person trust worthy.
yet again i'd likely just give my opinion to the child serving as a guide rather then interfering in there private life.


I fully accept that the elders can remove there decendants from there will, choce to never see em again or stuff like that.
What i don't accept is the Idiotic behaviour of killing people and blame the action on a scrach in ones honour

[aznxenocide]

Yeah, Gothic, I know you live in a culture where prearranged marriage is still EXTREMELY prevalent...and the fact is, there isn't some evolutionary disadvantage to prearranged marriage (unless, of course, you're marrying your cousins like they did back in the day)...but yeah, living in America, I'd vote nay to prearranged marriages. But the culture of the society you live in DOES play a major role in this.

[spacecat]

Well personally no way would I want to marry someone that was pre organised for me. I didn't grow up in a society like that so it seems like a completely weird thing to me but I do understand that for some people it is not. I guess it would save a lot of dating and whatever :p

[Da'Flash]

Well i grew up in "two societies".
A "modern one": France (religion-less country) , and an "old one" ( how it appears for occidentals) Morocco ( muslim country).

And sometimes the same appears in Morocco.
But in the law, the mariage is not allowed if there's not approval from the woman.
So it depends a lots more on country's tradition than religion. ( but we can't minimize the religion influence)

But it doesn't stop abuse from families which urge upon the daughter to mary the guy they chose, cause in many arabic countries the family is like a clan with its rites.
It's like the family is the guarantor of the tradition.

But I don't know if it's the same in U. A. E. :headscratch

For me, the husband choice should be free for all.

[Marionette]

Personally speaking...I don't even let other people choose cloth for me, so husbands? Are you kidding me? But in all seriousness, the reason I don't want other people buy clothing for me is because you never know how something is going to look on you unless you try it on, same with spouses. No matter how much my parents know me, they are not me. I know some say that the divorce rate for arranged marriages is actually lower than other ones, b/c neither the husband nor the wife expects much from the marriage. If that's true I think it's pretty sad to not expect much from such a huge part of your life.

Now I don't know why someone would want to give up their right (not that it isn’t OK to value their opinion, but the right to ultimately make the decision) to choose the person that they'll spend the rest of their lives with (and someone you are suppose to love), but I do know that there are many perspectives that I do not understand, so I don't condemn it either.
Wedding is a really important moment in someone's life and will determinate a lot after the ceremony or the agreement to bond with your partner. I'm for freedom of choice, but i agree that most of relatives from both part of the couple should have their opinion about it, since a rushed marriage can do lot of damage in future and eventually end up into a divorce. The fact most of couples are breaking bonds more and more nowadays is due to rushed ideas to marry someone when they know half about that person and didn't have the time to discover her true nature, both parts need some kind of compatibility so they can mutually understand each other while arguing each day about some personal matter.
I actually though that people are more cautious with actually getting married these days, it's just that they now know that its OK to be over 30 and single, and that a bad marriage can be more damaging to everyone than a divorce.

[Griffith]

Free choice of spouse of course.

I want to make sure the person that I'm going to spend eternity with can keep a good conversation >.> as well as "you know..." >.>

I wouldn't feel comfortable marrying someone that I hardly know, it will be harder to communicate things to that person, other then a person you have been with for years and decided to marry.

Someone who you have been with can accept your weird quirks and not try to change you lol. Like I have a bad habit of telling really vulgar jokes at times lol. I wouldn't want someone to change that lol.

[Surreal]

In some countries or societies like mine, the husband has to be approved by the father or the head of the family in order to take a girl's hand in marriage.

And where would that be? If it's not a big secret ^____^

Free choice of spouse btw. This is too big of a decision to be forced upon you. It's something only an individual can decide.

[explosions]

since my parents want me to have an arranged marriage, i despise that

so freedom of choice for me

which is what im gonna do anyway

if i ever get married

Watch the swears please.

- FH

[Tessa07]

I voted for the wrong one. XD I meant to click on "Free choice of spouse" choice . . . *feels like an idiot*

I hate arranged marriages. :/

[Shannon]

I'll say I choose the freedom to choose your spouse. If you don't love your spouse, that wouldn't be very good, right? But I do think it would be nice to get some permission from your parents, as in the husband asking the father for the soon-to-be fiancee's hand in marriage, because that seems sweet, and your spouses parent-in-law meter would go up considerably.

And I give my regards to those who have to abide by the arranged marriage rule. It doesn't seem right to me if you marry someone your don't want to marry.

Although, if you are in an arranged marriage, and you love the one you're marrying, that's alright in my book. :)

[Geta Boshi]

Any relationship is built on compatibility chemistry and honesty.

The compatibility and chemistry factor is missing in an arranged marriage. That relationship is a forced arrangement.

[HinataFan]

LOL, arranged marriages seem to last way longer than marriages based upon free choice.

I pick free choice, but if you are just marrying for love...love fades when the person you married turns into Al or Peg Bundy.

[Rain]

Althought both have both pros and cons I voted for free choice.

I think your family should have some say in who you marry (they won't be blinded by love), but i believe that, in the end, the decision should be up to you.

[Frosted Heart]

I agree with Rain. Ultimately the choice is yours (or it should be in my opinion at least), but family input/approval can be a big help to you. As the saying goes, you're marrying into a family, not just a person.

And arranged marriages probably last longer than free choice marriages because there is family pressure to stay together rather than get divorced. I can't say whether it's good or bad; a sour relationship is no good for anyone, but sometimes marriages can be fixed with some elbow grease, if only the people involved tried instead of taking the easy way out by divorcing.

[Primera Espada]

Am I the only one who, after reading, and voting, start to wonder....

why is this in the debate section.

Generally the only reason anyone would side with the arranged marriage part is that they feel it's a culture thing, or they simply don't have time to go out and date for themselves.

Considering no one has (purposely) voted no, and we've had this many replies...

Even a lot of "arranged marriages" aren't really that. Japan used to have a lot of grandparents hooking up their grandkids, but that was usually to start dating, not for marriage. Unless we have some royalty roaming around these, I doubt the strictest sense of the arranged marriage phrase will apply.

[Sergelia]

Well as for why this is in the "Debates" section... who knows; it's a wide-wide world, and for all we know some pre-arranged-marriage-loving group might just be lurking this forum.

My opinion... despite the fact that I'm not feeling particularly giddy about marrying, period, I'd say arranged marriages one thing, parents' approval wholly another. If I were to marry, I'd most likely prefer to have my family's encouraging nod in the direction. However, the choice is mine and I imagine by the time I'm an adult, I'll trust myself to make the right one.

If you mean 'arranged marriages' as in it's-family's-decision-and-they-don't-give-a-flip-if-you-disagree - the mere thought seems so far away, even in a fairly conservative country such as mine, that I can't help but laugh at it.
I think it's cruel and degrading. Other people, no matter their supposedly good intentions, shouldn't decide one's future.

[neurofreez]

It really depends on how you view marriage.

To me, the purpose of marriage is to expand families. It is a union of two or more households. Therefore, having free choice can sometimes be a hindrance for that cause.

I also think getting married to someone you like/love is somewhat overkill. If you want to stay together 'til death do you part', then do so. Not to say there is anything wrong with marrying for love. Just that vowing before family members/strangers does not impress me at all.

With that said, I have to vote free choice :p When you get down to it, the one getting married, the one that has to live with this other person day in and day out... their opinion is what really counts. It is not the family that must deal with any and all issues this spouse may have. The family's views on the spouse, while important, should not always be the deal breaker.

While having an arranged marriage may not be as bad as it sounds to some, I believe it forces a relationship. If all parties are ok with the arrangement, then cool. By ok, I mean everyone understands what the arrangement is for (extend family, provide companionship, whatever) and have no qualms with it. Even in this case, you still have free choice somewhat. Simply limited to WHO, instead of the addition of IF.

[HighSeraphShin]

Well, Ive been in love....a lot... but im only 13, so my knowledge on marriage is wide but not exactly fluent... either way, if you love someone, you must, as your love grows, want to spend forever with them, but if your spouse is chosen, you can end up miserable and hateful of yourself...sigh, either way, freedom is the best thing, but you cant just change a societies traditions based on your lone opinion, you must put in religion and all of that other stuff.

[♠ Saint ♠]

You know... my mother and I rarely agree, let alone my stepdad and I agreeing on anything. So... if they were to choose a husband for me... well, I'd probably murder him on my wedding night. And If I didn't, then I'd walk all over him like a door mat, because I know they would choose some financially secure wimp with no concept of creativity or depth of character.

Now if it was my biological father choosing the husband, I'd be more inclined to listen since my father and I think in similar circles. I mean, I defer to him for advice on a more regular basis. I imagine he'd pick someone good for me.

Bottomline though, I'd want my own choice because I know what kind of person I am and I was raised in a culture that glorifies self-gratification and happiness, nobility of purpose and causes. If I cannot respect my husband, then I simply cannot love him. And if I do not respect him, then I'll have nothing but contempt for him and the poor guy will be stuck with a wife that hates his guts and keeps putting pop rocks in his cola in hopes of a miracle.

[badgercoon]

Honestly I'm very mixed on the whole issue. Back in the day it was a way for women to "survive" or move through society so to speak because the society was so patriarchal (sp?) if you were in a family of all daughters, and none married, your father dies, you're sunk. (lulz jane austin) Good ol' dowries and the like...kind of where the idea with some families that the parents of the bride finance the whole wedding.

But really, I know some guys here in the states whose families have prearranged marraiges waiting for them. (eg, I know a guy whose parents are from thailand, and they have a bride picked out and waitng for him if he doesn't find someone himself, he being 1st generation) And they're fine with it.

I personally prefer a life of self-growth and exploration, so the ideas and such of marraige and even an arranged marraige may look good on paper, work for some, but I think I'd rather be a spinster for life if I can't find someone that makes me happy to be around.

[Tyki Mikk]

Arranged marriages: I'm totally against them because I would hate for it to happen to me. Half as happy; that's the maximum happiness I'd feel with a person I didn't choose to be my wife.

[ezxx]

arranged marriages are more successful ;o that doesn't mean I want one though.

[Agmaster]

Marriage is the devil. Just saying. Relationships always seem to go south when the vows are exchanged.

[shake]

free of choice definetly

[tari101190]

not having free choice negates the whole reason for getting married imo. having arranged marriage is rediculous i think, i'm sorry if that offends ppl though.

marrigiage should be about 2 ppl that want to join lives completely 4eva. not joing 2 families forcefully or wateva reasons used.

[negativzero]

I'm noticing some one liners in this section. Guys if possible, do try to elaborate on your points, seeing as this is a debate. Not a popularity vote here :D

[Navirae]

As one who would fit into the category of being placed in an arrange marriage (even though my family claims I would have the last say over who I would be with), I would definitely pick free choice. Arranged marriages have their advantage points, but just like any other type of marriage, it cannot always guarantee that you will be better off.

[beautiful_death]

IMO I think that marriage is overrated, but I do believe in a free choice of spouse. Can you imagine being arranged with a man who you later find out beats you, but your parents absolutely insist that he's the one?

Then again I live in America, so geographical and cultural context play huge roles on this issue.

[Hiraeth]

See I'm not going to vote, because I believe that it depends on the situation. I think people should have the choice to either find their own partner, or trust their parents with the decision. I mean, maybe once you'd have been married off to some random guy who abused you, but when people's marriages are arranged now, their parents carefully select someone who would suit them, and treat them well.

[cheez]

I personally will prefer to choose the person who I marry. I'm also an atheist who lives in America, and a family who is fine with whatever I do, so I have no religious, cultural or family obligations to whom I marry. Also for me marriage is about finding somebody who I'm compatable with on an emotional and physical level and want to spend the rest of my life with, not about making a family or honoring my family.

I think choosing my spouse is the best for me, but the situation is different for everybody. Everybody needs to make their own decision on what marriage means to them and what they want out of it. I have already stated my reasons for choosing my spouse, but if somebody chooses that they want to honor tradition and their family by having a prearranged marriage then that is fine for them. Neither type of marriage is better overall, their just better for different people.

[GreenBlack]

I'm going to be honest here.

Both can end horribly, but only one says one thing about you. When you get into an arranged marriage, you do it for one reason. You are trying to make children and honor your family in a sense. If that's what you want from your life, fine, but NEVER should we make that something someone can't override. It's a person's choice whether or not to have children, or any such thing as that.

It's a matter of choice, ALWAYS. Choose to let your parents choose, when you accept what that will mean in reality, or CHOOSE to choose. That simple.

[rei_ai]

Freedom of choice :)

Marriage is a personal matter. I'm independent and tend to make my own decision. My parents raised me with a mind of my own so I can freely choose want I want and my future.

They have no qualms whoever I will choose, but of course, as a parent, it's inevitable that my partner will be scrutinized. Any parent would want happiness for their children.

As for pre-arranged marriage, I don't think it will happen to me, since my parents doesn't to give me away :p. Anyway, seriously, I think it's better to be single for all your life than live in lie with someone you don't love.

In our country, there's a saying that before you marry a girl/guy, you must also marry her/his parents and family. Of course, that may be applicable to other countries as well. Maybe pre-arranged marriage is like that.

Well, in my opinion, if you really like/love someone, you'll do anything to be with him/her, even without earning the favor from his/her family..although you have to live with that

[Ileenka]

Anyway, seriously, I think it's better to be single for all your life than live in lie with someone you don't love.

I agree. :glomp

There are many people who are single these days. It's not a big deal. One of my friends' mom is pressuring her to find a boyfriend soon (she's turning 27 - but I think 27 is still young >_>) otherwise the mom is going to arrange someone for her. I would have thrown a fit and ran away from home if that happened to me. But I'm sure it won't. ;)

FREE CHOICE :yell It's my own life. Especially when you make mistakes, those are your choices and not anyone else's.

[Annie]

My life, so it's my choice. Arrange marrige might work for some but definitely not on me. I rather make my own mistake than having someone make i.t for me.

[fly]

I just read the first post, and i find this a little inaptly titled. Surely the poster was mentioning on 'approved' marriage rather than 'arranged' marriage?

That said, if i were to choose, i'd rather not marry because of the non-existence of my current love life. However, that's now. I may want to marry sooner or later - preferably to a man of my choice.

Marriage is really a matter of how you look at the insitution; and that how you look at the bondage a marriage offers do influence your take on it. That said, this is a world with overexposed idea of freedom of choice, and thus i believe that it is only a customary practice whether to have a potential spouse being approved or not. I believe in the context stated in the first post, there is freedom for not having your potential spouse approved before hand - approval is just a matter of a hurdle, and conviction that a potential spouse offers to a potential in-law.

Before i go too far, i'm with my choice.

[kawaiiairbender]

I didn't read all the answers but I like the concept of arranged marriages. I mean when I was 12 I told my parents to arrange mine. (Of course that didn't go over well.) And I'm not totally opposed to it 7 years later. I don't think it's for everyone but when 50% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce anyway why not try it? :/ I'm more with the arrange --> have a couple dates -> accept proposal --> court --> marriage

I'm pretty sure that really big church in Korea does arranged marriages and the couples talk for two years before they marry so it is not like they don't know the other person.
--
I also say this because statistically my chances of marriage don't look good. And given my track record attracting guys... I'll probably end up with lots of cats.

----------
I should probably mention that I am very close to my family. (Someone has told me I have a family compex ^^; ) So I would be okay with my parents picking someone for me, I'm sure they wouldn't set me up with someone who was not compatible with me.

I'm so weird =_=;;

[speedphantom]

I think choice. I spoke with an Indian friend of mine who made some really good points about arrange marriages.

He said that with a marriage where you choose your spouse, you're in love and you're at the peak when you get married and things can only go down from there. Which is somewhat true but if you are right for them you'll still be enjoying marriage.

Arranged marriages he said, you start with nothing and your love can only grow from there so thats a very good point too. But if you just plain hate them, poor you.....:p

[Sora Chan]

I've heard that arranged marriages tend to last a lot longer than choice marriages. Meaning choice marriages have more divorces. So I have heard. Personally I am down with choice. I don't think arranged marriages where the two people in question have final say is too bad though.

[speedphantom]

If its arranged and the people have a say its a hybrid marriage then isn't it:p

Both choice AND arranged:p

They arrange it for a choice ^^

I suppose my friend's theory that the relationship grows stronger if arranged must be true if people don't divorce. Also perhaps in those cultures, divorce isn't an option or isn't common practice.

[Sora Chan]

Yea divorce not being an option does make a lot of sense. But then it also might be because people are blindly leading themselves into marriages. I mean love is blind right? In arranged marriages, you have an outside group helping you see your way through it right? You aren't blind to your partners faults in a sense. I am just speculating by the way...
Lol Speedy Hybrid marriages ftw!?

[Alphonse]

I'm against arranged marriage all the way. I don't find it right to have to ask permission to the father, I think that the girl has all the right to chose anyone she wants to marry without anyone saying "no" or "yes".

All up for Free Choice. That way the girl and the guy are happy and such yah.

It also depends.

[Sora Chan]

I think that asking the father is simply a sweet gesture nothing more than that. I know to my parents at least it shows "class".

[speedphantom]

You have to ask your parents permission. Its just a courtesy thing. I mean if they say no and you really love the person its not like you'll listen....I hope:p

But still, they would say yes 99.99% of the time I'd hope XD.

Hybrid woow!:p Everything is hybrid nowadays!!!!:yell

[Bleu]

Im against arranged marriage because it doesnt seem right. If you are going to be with someone the rest of your life, it should be someone who you get along with and love.

However, my best friend who is Indian, her parents were married out of arrangment, and they had two kids together and do seem very happy together.

If it has to do with religion, and is widely accepted in that faith, then i will tolerate it. Theres no use in trying to change faith, it only causes troubles.

[kawaiiairbender]

Im against arranged marriage because it doesnt seem right. If you are going to be with someone the rest of your life, it should be someone who you get along with and love.

However, my best friend who is Indian, her parents were married out of arrangment, and they had two kids together and do seem very happy together.

If it has to do with religion, and is widely accepted in that faith, then i will tolerate it. Theres no use in trying to change faith, it only causes troubles.

Well in alot of arranged mariages there is some choice involved. :/ And if you really really hate the person the majority people still have the option of divorce actually. :/

I've only met one person who has had an arranged marriage and she was from some slavic country (I don't think it's a common practice there though) and she was so much in love with the person that her parents had arranged for her to marry. Of course she also knew him from age 7. (the marriage was arranged at 3)

Like I said conventional marriage doesn't seem to be working out in alot of places so why not add in something new (or old.) :) It seems to me you have a 50/50 chance of it working out either way.;)

[07Janina07]

I have to say I have heard horro stories about arranged marriages. I woul never chooses for myself.

I want to chose the person who I am going to be wth for the rest of my life. My friend who is korean told me her parents marriaged was arranged and they always fought. She also told me that her parents didn't get a divorce because people would talk.(backwards thinking anyone)

I have also heard other stories of girls geeting beaten, rape and married to men twice their age. Ana this are all stories coming from people I know. I also have an Indian friend who has told me horror stories from her side of the family in arranged marriages, her parents are happy but they have told her she can married who ever she wants just as long as he isn't a murdered or a drug addict.

What other people do its not my bussiness but I would never do it for myself.

[wolfzarakiL]

I'm personally against arranged marriages, because i think its better to be able to choose who you spend the rest of your life with. But it is true that a lot of free choice marraiges end up in divorce.. i would say arranged marriages are okay as long as you're okay with it.

[kawaiiairbender]

I have to say I have heard horro stories about arranged marriages. I woul never chooses for myself.

I want to chose the person who I am going to be wth for the rest of my life. My friend who is korean told me her parents marriaged was arranged and they always fought. She also told me that her parents didn't get a divorce because people would talk.(backwards thinking anyone)

I have also heard other stories of girls geeting beaten, rape and married to men twice their age. Ana this are all stories coming from people I know. I also have an Indian friend who has told me horror stories from her side of the family in arranged marriages, her parents are happy but they have told her she can married who ever she wants just as long as he isn't a murdered or a drug addict.

What other people do its not my bussiness but I would never do it for myself.

But those aren't isolated events. :headscratch Being a female in the U.S. at least means you have a 1/6 chance of getting raped. :/ I know people's parents that fought alot and did not have arranged marriages. But yeah it really won't work for everybody, obviously. I think arranging is a good idea, pehaphs you don't have to go through with marrying the person. Sorta like the extreme version of a blind date?

Also, I think it may be wrong to call someone's thinking backwards but I suppose that is a debate for another thread ;)

[niku_yoku]

I think arranged marriages are kind stupid. if ur not in love with the person u shouldn't be forced to marry them. People should be able to fall in love with each other not force to. Well, thats just my opinion.

[Shdo]

this is one overwhelming one sided poll, i guess its quite clear there is little to debate here. the only way arrenged marriege is even a little acceptable in my eyes is if its more like erranged date, if somehing will come out of it, then its all good, if not then there wont be any need for a very ugly marriege life.

[Tatsuki]

Wow! I would never expect a thread like this on this board!

I have lots of cousins who are Chassidic Jews and their marriages would be considered arranged by American/Western/Secular standards. They are set up by a matchmaker, the families do intense research about each party and decide whether the couple could be compatible based on all sorts of criteria (personality traits, hobbies, religious views, etc.). Then the couple meet and decide whether they want to marry one another.

It CAN and DOES work. I've seen many, many happy couples who were matched with this system. I've seen some unhappy marriages and divorces, but far fewer than among people who marry through a different process.

That being said, I think it is community power and religious compatibility that make it work so well. The parents and matchmakers really know who they're dealing with, and everyone has everyone else's' best interests in mind. There is a lot of love, trust and commitment that goes into each suggested match, and I've never heard of a matched couple who were set up before marriageable age or who married without meeting one another first.

That being said, personally, while I might ask friends to set me up or use a matchmaker, I wouldn't go through this exact process myself. It's definately not for everyone. But I have nothing against it at all.

[kiera2]

Being a female in the U.S. at least means you have a 1/6 chance of getting raped. :/
17% of all women in the US are raped? I find that pretty hard to believe.

[Butterfly]

It really depends on the culture. What is marriage, exactly? Do you marry someone whom you love, and wish to share your life with, or do you want to marry for family obligations, or financial/economic reasons?

Keep in mind that this world is still a man's world. In an arranged marriage in certain cultures, what options does a woman have if she wishes to divorce? Will the law protect her? Will she get at least joint custody of any children? Will alimony be an option? Depending on the culture - is she guaranteed her dowry?

I have a minor in anthropology with my degree - and so, being from the west side of the world, I don't wish to be ethnocentric. However, statistics in the west still hold that domestic voilence against women is still a huge social problem. Most voilence that occurs in a marriage is committed against the woman. Even with marrying for love, abuse still happens. So, what are a woman's options in an arranged marriage? Does she go back to her father's home? What about any children?

I believe in the freedom of choice in regards to marriage, simply because it is the norm in my culture, and also -- I am for the woman having the right and option to choose.

Still - women, ask yourself if you really do want to get married. Arranged or for love, you'll still have to take care of a man. ^_^

[Nejibana]

I don't think that people who were forced to marry are really in love. I think it's only the habit to live with someone but nothing else. Of course that you can be in love, but I think is a minority.

You say that people who marry even if they weren't forced get divorced, of course this can be. Sometimes the relationship freeze or the people you married is not who you thought she/he was. But is your own mistake, and making mistakes is human. We don't need anybody to control our feelings neither to say who is the right partner to you.

[rayne_himura]

free choice of spouse of course ^^

i couldn't imagine having an arranged marriage. what if the two people clash constantly? what if they never learn to like each other? i just couldn't imagine not marrying for love.

[Shdo]

but keep in mind that you are looking at it in western eyes and what you see as unimaginable is quite easy in other societies. for example, if in those societies the women are thaught to be submissive then its not a problem to have them in such a relationship since they are thaught to endure and to serve.

[rayne_himura]

if you listen to the meaning of marriage during the ceremony you can hear marriage means love :noworry IMO everyone should get to choose on their own who they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

marriage should be about love not misery and being forced.

[melboyd~]

for the ppl who had arranged marriage, the chances of living in a happily married life is low imo. unless these 2 persons are tolerable with the idea of having a complete family and nothing else matter than achieving that idea. having this feeling of security and in a 'comfort' zone may be enuf for them to perceive their life as 'happy' and maybe bring a new definition of being in 'love' since they know that they're bounded to each other for life (well, literally the vow they made in the marriage ceremony).

but i guess, we cannot know that sometimes arranged marriage does work on certain couples. maybe it's their destiny to meet in such a way lol. and that'll be an interesting story to tell their kids later on.

ooh, and i;m all for free choice of spouse ^^ u got to choose and evaluate ur soul mate, and that's important to ensure true love and happiness

[Rain]

im not against free-choice at all, i would rather have free choice than to be put into an arranged marriage, but i wnat to bring this up


What percent of marriages today end in divorce, or some kind of seperation, im not to sure, but isn't the statistic somewhere around or over 50%

Its not like free-choice means you will be happy, far from it


And with arranged marriages, im not totally sure how the selections are made, but they aren't just these two will wed, and thats that, is it?

these families could potentially try to unite two poeple who they think will last and benefit both families


I wouldn't be so quick to say arranged marriage is being forced to marry someone you don't know at all, have no feelings towards or anything like that

[ch1mera]

Although, I try to remain neutral I know it isn't for me. I'd rather date the person, get to know her, fall in love with her and then decide if I want to spend my life with that person. With arranged marriages you run the risk of not being compatible with that person, but love between them can happen, obviously. I'd say it's more a cultural and economical thing. A person should marry the person they are in-love with. If the marriages we get into of our own free will don't usually work, I can just imagine the divorce rate for arranged marriages. I could never get married to someone I didn't know and love already, but I know love can grow between people.

People should be free to date, and along the way, their folks can just introduce them to somebody, but then their folks should back off and let the kids do their own thing. Arranged marriages often involve little emotion towards the other person, and thus you may never know whether or not you were a decent judge of character by just jumping into an arranged marriage. Thus, I strongly believe in the phrase “look before you leap", but this is my personal thoughts about this.

Free choice of spouse

[melboyd~]

rain; yeah, had to agree on that first point. not all marriages last till the end. we cant predict the term of relationship after marriage too. but free-choice also means that u have power in deciding who u'll end up in marriage and which imo, is better than letting others decide :p if u choose to marry someone u're in love with, i guess u shd be happy with the decision, altho it isnt necessarily a long lasting relationship.
(a priest who i attended the mass today told us that the more u fight with ur spouse, the more u;ll learn to love him/her xD. which is true to a certain extend).

and arranged marriage is sometimes practiced by a community that still believe in this traditional method of getting married and like the one u mentioned, families that want to ensure the benefits from both parties (like business partners etc). maybe there;s more, am not sure..

[Revan1990]

Free choice of spouse of course, everyone should have the right to choose with who he or she wants to live, furthermore I think this whole "the father has to approve" thingy is stupid, cuz why should two ppl need the permission of sb else to marry and live their life??

for the ppl who had arranged marriage, the chances of living in a happily married life is low imo. unless these 2 persons are tolerable with the idea of having a complete family and nothing else matter than achieving that idea
I second that^^

[Rain]

mel- yea i definitely agree its better to have free choice

I want to have the choice to date, get to know soemone, and all fo that

but all im saying is that two people can think they love each, get married and realize it was a mistake, maybe in an arranged marriage the families set up two people whom have a much much higher chance of being happy


The family won't pick people who have no chance of being happy, it won't just be two people who might have never seen each other, its likely you know the person fairly well (the two families are close or something)


I just think that a lot of times, people in free choice relationships are blinded by how quickly it goes, or they get caught up in it, whereas the family won't make that mistake, they can see the situation better

[ch1mera]

whereas the family won't make that mistake, they can see the situation better

I´m all for free choice like I said before, but I can see the two faces of the coin.

The difference between your parents finding a boy/girl for you and you finding them yourselves, is that, your parents have already done the background checks - they know about the potential spouse's family, education, job, reputation, pretty much everything that one needs to work hard at finding out when they are dating. Parents usually have the child's best interests at heart, plus they look at the potentials with an objective eye, instead of the starry-eyed views of some people who cannot see beyond someone's appearance, or some such. Also, objective parents might be better at judging a couple's compatibility than the couple themselves, who might be blindly in love now, but might realize the problem when it is too late.

[Shdo]

you are aware that in most of those casees it got nothing to do with finding a compatiable partner? its more about finding a partner from a dignified or honorable family, one that will not shame your own. its to strengthen ties between families of the same statues and so on.

in many casses its not about the best for the children but for the best of the family.

[bradc]

It depends... Some arranged marriages work out and some don't. Some free of choice marriages work out and some don't. Depends how well one gets along with another person based on their personality, ideal and beliefs, compatibility of personality and astrological signs (western and eastern); religion, family structure how the person was raised and brought up whether they are poor or rich family. These things impact on everyone for the person they meet, not just marriages but social groups.

If your family you are raised with religious background and believe two people should have an arranged marriage, they would go through lengths in trying to bring the two people together until they are happy; the marriage can always be called off anytime if the people have gone through bitter and sour relationship and still not satisfied with each other.

If the family you are raised in are given free choices, the choices of that person may not always be a good choice; so you have be cautious when you meet that person before arranging marriages on your own. One may not be happy even after several gatherings or dating; again it can be called off, unless the person comes off as an asshole then you have problem with a psycho boyfriend or girlfriend 8(

[Fyrefox]

Niether. I'm a loner by nature, and unless I really care for a girl, I'm not gonna want her around. Call it whatever you'd like, but it makes my life simpler.

[Orihime-Chan]

well my choice would be free choice of spouse but arranged marriages had their good sides too, they can simply shorten the time and effort to find a good match, if you're free to accept or refuse at the end that is.

[BleachOD]

17% of all women in the US are raped? I find that pretty hard to believe.Actually that number is higher. But because the victim ends up getting victimized and not the offender. Not many women report it...
I have three friends that were raped and didn't report it because of what I went through when I was sexually assaulted by the most popular boys...AND I WON.

[kiera2]

Actually that number is higher. But because the victim ends up getting victimized and not the offender. Not many women report it...
I'd quite like to see the statistical evidence behind that. Or even behind the 17% number.

[07Janina07]

kiera2@

You said you wanted statistics on rape in the US. Well here are some from one of the largest charities in the US trying to stop it.

http://www.rainn.org/statistics

The statistics show that:

* 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be a victim of sexual assault in their lifetime.
* College age women are 4 times more likely to be sexually assaulted.

and that 60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police.

All these statistics come from reliable sources such as the US Department of Justice.

The numbers may be much higher because as we know statistics don't reflect everything.

[kiera2]

You do realise 'sexually assault' can mean anything from actual rape through to 'unwanted touching' and 'forced kissing' ...?

[07Janina07]

Statistic of it are there. Click on the link and you will find sexually molested stats and anything of the sort. Molestation is still sexual assault.

[kiera2]

Molestation is still sexual assault.
That's the point I'm making. Saying "one in six women are raped" - meaning subjected to forced penetrative intercourse - is very different to saying "one in six women experience attempted or completed sexual assault".

Either way, one more reason I'm glad I don't live in the USA :P

[bradc]

That's the point I'm making. Saying "one in six women are raped" - meaning subjected to forced penetrative intercourse - is very different to saying "one in six women experience attempted or completed sexual assault".

Either way, one more reason I'm glad I don't live in the USA :P

Is not just USA... Molestation, Sexual Assault... etc, sometimes it never get on the news or gets reported even. Large number of females tend to keep to themselves after the incident. Is a scar for life that doesn't go away...

[kiera2]

I'm not disagreeing with the fact that rape is a terrible thing or that it happens. Just with the accuracy of certain statistics.

[07Janina07]

That's the point I'm making. Saying "one in six women are raped" - meaning subjected to forced penetrative intercourse - is very different to saying "one in six women experience attempted or completed sexual assault".

Either way, one more reason I'm glad I don't live in the USA :P

I said it was all there. Did you click on the site and read? It's all there and no matter how you phrase it rape is rape. There is no other term for sexual molestation or penetration of the vagina from foreign objects. It is still sexual abuse.

As I have said before the statistics are never accurate because people don't report it as they should. They sometimes have to make an estimate. And I use US stats because I don't know where you live but that is besides the point. I still don't understand your point.

But I am going to drop this right now because it is not pertaining to the original debate subject of this thread.

[Shdo]

how does rape got into this debate?

[Zinc]

How the hell. . .

*sighs*

Right, so getting back ON topic.

You can talk crap about arranged marriages, but I bet they last longer because people can't just divorce out of them. >>

But the best choice: No marriage at all. Just date a fool, have a kid, and if need be for the kid's sake, someone can just change their last name.

That way when the break-out does happen, you don't have to go through the messy legal mumbo-jumbo and figure out who gets what.

[kiera2]

That way when the break-out does happen, you don't have to go through the messy legal mumbo-jumbo and figure out who gets what.
And that way you don't get any of those annoying financial and welfare benefits that come with being married. Or the hassle of family visiting rights if your partner ends up in intensive care.

Jaina - I have seen that site in the past, and read it and many others. The point I was making is that not all sexual assault is forced penetration - but in colloquial speech the word 'rape' is generally used to mean forced penetration. So taking the statistics for sexual assault and using them as a basis for saying offhand that "one in six women in the US are raped" is very misleading.

[Zinc]

And that way you don't get any of those annoying financial and welfare benefits that come with being married. Or the hassle of family visiting rights if your partner ends up in intensive care.


Indeed, you are right. Because doctors wouldn't let you visit someone if you turn out to be the loved one in their life. How do boyfriends and girlfriends get to see their significant others? Doctor's can be so cruel. :cry

Financial rights? Sure they'd get more if they were married, but psh, divorces are so messy. The our's ends up as his and hers and you gotta go through the hassle of figuring out whose is what.

They can file separately and the one that brings in the most cash claims the kid and file as head of household. Roommates ftw!

And they can still get welfare. Just one of them would file and be a single parent, probably would get more too.

ZOMG WTF!? Single parents!? Why those don't exist! How can they get welfare!?

Honestly the only benefit I see to getting married is if one of the mates is planning not to work, which means, the working mate will have to provide health care and all the monetary support. If that's the case, then go ahead and get married.

[Shdo]

what you are talking about sound to me like capitalism in love life.

[Zinc]

You don't need to get married to express your love and raise a family is what I'm getting. :cookie

[Shdo]

sure you can raise a family, and you can ditch that family much easier as well.

[Zinc]

Exactly my point. No fuss, no legal stuff.

Well, except the kid situation. Even if you're not married, if you ditch the kid, you'd still more than likely end up paying child support. Which isn't a bad thing.

[Shdo]

sure that will work just fine...spreading children everywhere and when you are tired of the family move on...no fuss, no responsiability.

[Zinc]

No, what you're talking about is a jackass.

I've said no such thing about it being easier to just move on when you're tired of your family.

My point is: If two people love each other, they don't need to get married to reflect that. They can live together and raise a family. All marriage does is complicated things. IMO of course.

If someone wants to do what you're stating, then being married won't stop them, just delay them, if even that.

So stop trying to twist what I'm saying and blow it up to be an evil scheme to spread ones seeds and hold no responsibility. Like I stated earlier, married or not, if you have a kid, you have a responsibility to take care of that child. If a guy knocks up a girl, and she wants him to support the child, then by law, he will have to help take care of the kid.

[Shdo]

i am not twisting what you are saying. i am just telling you what WILL happen if that was the system.

marriage is mostly an insurance for a healty family (as much as possiable) its the result of thousends of years of trial and error and going back to zero (everyone do what they wants) will only cause what i described earlier.

when people have an opening they will take it, its human nature. the situation is bad as it is, and taking out the one element that does slow 'jackassness' will only make it much worse.

[Zinc]

How can you say that will happen? How can you generalize an entire population and say that if they don't get married, they're doomed to become what you say: A person who only wants to spread their seed and move on.

I'm not gonna deny that there are married couples that do work. I've seen them. If marriage works, get married. But people shouldn't feel obligated to do it.

Yes, people will take an opening, but if the situation is bad, then why shouldn't they break away? In this situation all I see is a marriage making a person feel trapped, which can lead to a whole mess of other negative issues. Things that may progress to them cheating on their spouse, or even hurting them.

You keep talking about them just up and leaving their family, but let me point it out to you. Again. Heck, let me quote myself.

Like I stated earlier, married or not, if you have a kid, you have a responsibility to take care of that child. If a guy knocks up a girl, and she wants him to support the child, then by law, he will have to help take care of the kid.

So even if mom or dad want to get away from their spouse, it'll be damn hard to just get away from your responsibilities as a parent.

Not saying people don't though. But that can happen married or not.

[Shdo]

how can i know it? because its already happening, look at the amount of single mothers, and this is in society where marriage is supported! laws and regulations are there for a reason.

look at the world, everywhere, where there is a opening people will take it, in countries where its legal to kill your wife if she cheats on you it happens alot.
in marriage there is a legal and financial promise where in boyfriend\girlfriend there is only a verbal promise.
just look on all those single mothers or those guys who have 13 children from diffrent women and are still in the 20's.

humans will do horriable things, its not a generelisation, its not a threat, its not assumption, its a fact. they already do that.



lets say that murder would be legal, you would see a increase in murder. good will will take you so far but in the end you need a structure to live in, a frame of laws and just like the grand majority of societies around the world have laws against murder they have laws for marriage.
10000 years of human culture and laws of marriage are there because they were needed.

[Zinc]

It's still a generalization because for all the negative your spitting, there are plenty of positives to reflect. You're only seeing the negative in the whole idea of unmarried couples raising a family.

lets say that murder would be legal, you would see a increase in murder. good will will take you so far but in the end you need a structure to live in, a frame of laws and just like the grand majority of societies around the world have laws against murder they have laws for marriage.
10000 years of human culture and laws of marriage are there because they were needed.

This. . .has nothing to do with what I'm saying. I never said let's ban marriage laws. So where you're pulling nonsense, over exaggerated nonsense at that, just to attempt to shut down my opinion. And it's failing. Hard.

You've done nothing to prove to them, that marriages work because most of those single mothers you're talking about were married and it failed and they ended where they were because of it.

You're talking about how bad the world can be? Making it seem that if a person isn't bound by a piece of paper to another they can't live a life.

And quite frankly I'm done hearing you over the top arguments. In the end, it's opinions. You won't change my mind and I won't change yours. So I wash my hands of this nonsense and walk away.

[Shdo]

walk, its good for ones health.


generalise means that EVERYONE or the great majority will do that, i am not saying it will happen.

it will just happen more, maybe much more but definitely more.

love ends in the end, no couple is as tight and close as they were in the start, the marriage pact is there to ensure that they will keep the family together.
of course there would be some that will decide to simply leave, to divorce without taking responsibility and so on but if there is no frame to work with then it will be much more easier and people tend to chose the easy path.

that's what they did for thousands of years, and that's what they will do for thousands more.

your idea would have worked only if people had the maturity to accept responsibility without fearing punishment or hindrance from a jurisdictional laws, and humanity isn't there yet.


its like communisem, very nice idea, work only on paper.

[Zinc]

Wow. . .

I. . .just. . .wow.

I have to leave.

I didn't think they're could be people who can say things like that and think they're right about every person in the world.

Just. . .damn. . .wow.

[Shdo]

my life teached me many things:
blind idealism just dosnt work.
good intentions will work only so far.
resolve isnt enough.
there is a limit to everything.
the brightest star dim in the end.
kindness can kill and cruelness can save.
everything is relative.

and finaly, everyone can do good and evil, everyone can take the highroad or not, everyone can be angels and devils and when you take away the frame that force people to behave in one way or the other then they can let loose from all inhibitions, some will chose to be angels but since its so much easier to destroy then to create i know there would be only more suffering if there was no marriage system or that more people would have babies with people they are not married to.


with only their own morals to hold their partnership together its pretty short road to have many half brothers and half sister all around you.
also, people should marry and then have childrens (not considering mishaps and slipups) to ensure that the family will be there for the children. ofcourse that is what i belive and while i would follow it that dosnt mean others should, if they insist on having childrens before marriage or witout then i dont expect that family to hold on for long and the children would be the ones to get most of the impact.

[kiera2]

I know at least one couple who have been happily living together for nine years, with every intention of raising a family together but no intention of getting married. Marriage is something some couples just choose not to do.

Zinc, no matter how much you try to play them down there are plenty of benefits to being married - why do you think gays have fought so hard for the right to marry? (Seriously, look into the details of visiting rights.)

[kiera2]

with only their own morals to hold their partnership together its pretty short road to have many half brothers and half sister all around you.
If you honestly think this you must have some pretty weak moral fibre. I'm sorry you've never met people who actually believe in morals for their own sake. Do you come from a very religious country, by any chance?

Or was that just baseless rhetoric?

[bradc]

There's no right or wrong answer, whether the marriage is arranged and free choice.

The loving couple still have arrange their own marriage for a wedding. ;) Even arranged marriage they are given a choice to choose to marry each other, if they are compatible with each other. It can be called off at anytime; no hard feelings, the single continue to move on and find another that's suitable for them. As long as the two people are comfortable with each other, and choose to move with their rites of passage. Let them be...

[Shdo]

If you honestly think this you must have some pretty weak moral fibre. I'm sorry you've never met people who actually believe in morals for their own sake. Do you come from a very religious country, by any chance?

Or was that just baseless rhetoric?


for every strong person there is at least 1 weak person, so even if there are many people like your friends (assuming that they will actually survive as a copuple for long,9 years is only the start, you can never tell what will happen in 25 yrs from now) there would be, and there already are, many who are far from being strong.
look at the amount of people who divorce and leave their families, even when there are children involved, and then think how much more there would be if you take out the legal aspect of abondening and divorcing? all it take is one person who is weak and the family will be ruined.

as for my country, its so\so.
as for my family, strickly non religious.

[kiera2]

I ask about religion because in my experience it's generally religious people who refuse to believe humans can act in a moral way without the threat of punishment from some higher authority. In case you hadn't guessed, I think that's a load of bollocks.

There are plenty of people out there who are perfectly capable of living happy, stable lives as a couple without a marriage certificate. Are you suggesting that those people should be forced to marry before they're allowed to have children?

More importantly do you have anything to actually base your claims on other than more rhetoric? Because so far I see a lot of cliché wordbytes such as there being "one weak person for every strong person" and the unfounded assertion that people will abandon their children without marriage. Because clearly a legal contract is the only thing that will ever make our society of corrupt, morally bankrupt individuals ever take time to care for their children?

[Shdo]

of course it is bullshit, people cant act morally even with higher supervision, they either can or cant, depending on the morals of the individual.
and in this area, enough of humanity is lacking.

some divorce data
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm


look how many families break up with laws the incourage staying in the marriage, think what will happen without those laws. i am sure you can find more articles on divorces in your country.


i never said that there arent people who can live together forever, my parents are together for over 40 years for example, and still going out 2-4 times a week.


but the fact remain that people do abonden their children when the system that try to stop it is in place, i doubt that taking that system out will have no or less effect on it.
do you think that if there was no marriage system there would be more or the same amount of functional families?

[kiera2]

look how many families break up with laws the incourage staying in the marriage, think what will happen without those laws.
Neither you nor I have any grounds to say what would happen without marriage laws. This would be the baseless rhetoric I was referring to earlier.

More importantly, the major logical fallacy you're committing here is in assuming that a married relationship is always a better environment for a child. What about the men and women who stay in hurtful and damaging relationships because they feel that being married means they should? There are countless beaten wives out there who stay with their husbands, leaving their children in danger, simply because they can't see any way out of their marriage. And how many more children have been emotionally traumatised by fighting parents who would be living happier lives - and therefore providing happier environments for their children - if they simply separated to get out of each other's hair?

[Shdo]

beaten wives is something completly diffrent, the man is a criminal and should be locked behind bars, just like if he was robbing a bank or commiting any other crime.
as for being at each other throats, there are other options before divorcing such as open marriage and cosuling.
if that dosnt work and nothing can be done then there is no choice but to divorce but in many casses of divorce its not because they are at each other throats but simply dont love each other or something else.

i simply dont see how staying away from marriage is going to make relationships and families stable. its like putting theft as a legal thing with no punishment or legal espect and expect it to drop, the same is here, if there is no legal system there would be less reasons for partner A to stay in the relationship. they can simply walk away and dissapear.

[kiera2]

How are beaten wives anything different? They're a perfect example of where the marriage contract has a negative effect.

if there is no legal system there would be less reasons for partner A to stay in the relationship. they can simply walk away and dissapear.
This is pretty much the crux of your argument, right?

Sorry, but I just think that is absolutely absurd. Do you honestly believe that the only thing that keeps most married couples together is legal obligation? Because that is what your argument boils down to when you say that making divorce legally easier would lead to mass divorces.

[Shdo]

how is it diffrent? simply, the man is a criminal and should be locked away regardless of how it effect the marriage and children lives. the marriage is already limping the moment he beat his wife\robbed a store\murdered a old lady\raped a cow\whatever.
i am not talking about staying married no matter how abusive the father is but staying married in casses where the diffrences can be solved or that one of the parents simply wants to leave because they are bored or want a new 'fresh' and young partner or any other self centered reason.
read my posts again if you want.


never said most. said many.
just like a never said that most marriages will fail or that most people abondon their kids.

[kiera2]

I have no idea why you're bringing up the totally irrelevant fact that wifebeaters are criminals. The point I am making is that the legal constraints that marriage places on a couple can, in many cases, be a bad thing. Since you obviously agree with me that beating one's spouse is a bad thing, I don't see how you can disagree on this other point.

You keep going on about the benefits of marriage, and how the legal contract it entails will have a positive moral effect on married couples - but unless you can statistically prove that the good effects outnumber the bad, all you're doing is wasting time with pointless conjecture. "Many" is a meaningless word unless qualified numerically.

I subject that the choice of whether or not to marry, regardless of whether or not children are involved, should always rest with the couple themselves.

[Shdo]

see it as you want.

[kiera2]

see it as you want.
Exactly.

It's easy to present a totally baseless but logical-sounding argument from either perspective. Without a statistical basis for your claims, all this unfounded rhetoric about marriage being overwhelmingly beneficial has no place in a serious debate.

[Shdo]

actually i see it that way. for thousends of years the system was perfected inside every culture, this is my statistics, every culture found that marriage create stability that is needed for the culture\people\empire to florish.

[hell monster]

You guys think that you don't have a choice in arranged marriage.
If you don't approve the marriage, it won't happen. It's not just your father would just rush into your room and say congrats, you're married. lol

[Shdo]

depending on the situation, there are cases when saying no mean to be banned from the family or getting a less desirable mate, you might not be forced but you are pressured to in many cases. of course that depends on the families involve and their disposition towards the subject.

[StarStealinGirl]

I think anyone with a heart would support free choice in marriage.

[suzy223]

My opinion: love marriages all the way.

My preference: love marriage.

But in order to make a love marriage work, you have to make sure your spouse will support you and love you till blah blah blah. You don't want your marriage to end up like Britney's.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here: in an arranged marriage, the partner selected for you is usually a hard-working, good person (nowadays, in the 21st century) who has a good education. People do continue arranged marriages in Asia, India specifically. And the people in the arranged marriage do learn to love each other, for the most part.

Of course, there is always the possibility that they can't stand each other. And that's the bad part about arranged marriages.

Both have their pros and cons. I'm trying to look at the two equally.

[Shdo]

learn to love one another...here is the problem.

[suzy223]

Yeah, that's the general problem with the world. People never force themselves to like each other. If they did, the world would be a better place. But doing that requires self-discipline, something most people in North America don't have.

[kiera2]

You can learn to like someone, or at least tolerate them, but you can't force yourself to love someone. And you certainly can't force yourself to be attracted to someone.

[suzy223]

^Yeah, that's a con for arranged marriages, and why I'm against them (like the other 103 or who people posted in this thread).

[MiraofAzureSky]

I'm more for free choice of spouse, but I don't really have a problem with arranged marriage.

Like Kiera said, you can't learn to love someone, and that's certainly a problem, but I think as long as I can tolerate the person then I'll be okay.

[Aizen]

Interesting topic. In my opinion it rather depends on the age. If the girl is younger than 25 then I think it would be good to have the father's approval. However if she's 30 or more, I don't see how she would need the father's approval considering she's mature and old enough to make her own choice.

[chibihana]

For me its depends on how the cultural view in the society.:)
In my society, the arranged married is normal for us. But my family just let me free to choose. The just want me to be happy to be person that I loved instead of forced me to marry some stranger.
Again, its depends on the society.:cool:

[kiera2]

Interesting topic. In my opinion it rather depends on the age. If the girl is younger than 25 then I think it would be good to have the father's approval. However if she's 30 or more, I don't see how she would need the father's approval considering she's mature and old enough to make her own choice.
Why the father's approval and not the mother's?

[MovingTarget128]

whatever you are grown up to believe is what is right, if it is the way things work for your family/religion/country its just the way things are. but at the same time, one could raise a child thinking that the earth is flat and it could work. it all depends on your background and upbringing.