Is it wrong for men to earn less than their wife?

[cornflakes]

There was this interesting debate in my Sociology class a few days back:

For guys, would you mind/does it matter if your wife earns more than you do?

For girls, would you mind/does it matter if you earn more than your husband?

In more extreme cases, what about "house-husbandry" while the wife works?

[Rain]

Im a guy, and honestly, I couldn't care less

As long as im making good money I dont mind if shes making 10 times as much as me (and actually, if thats possible thats what i would want)

and also of course I wouldn't want my wife holding it over my head, but i woul;dn't marry like that, so its a moot point:lmao

I am not the type of person to believe/follow the gender roles around the house (ie man works, fixes cars etc, the women cooks, cleans etc)

[Mao-chan]

I wouldn't care that much, as long as, collectively, there's enough for the family to live comfortably and if I didn't hate my job. I wouldn't even mind the extreme scenario much (probably I'm the type of person to be more comfortable with that, actually, hahah), unless whoever my husband turned out to be would be unhappy with it, because that would create other conflict within the family.

Basically, I'm another person who doesn't care all too much for gender roles. It doesn't matter who does the work, as long as the stuff gets done.

[Shdo]

i can see why some guys feel its wrong, since they are stuck in the traditional provider-caretaker relationship.

i on the other hand would preffer to be with someone that earn as much as possiable, since the marriage is a single unit and i see no reason to wish for my wife to earn less or nothing. the more we earn the more we can spend on things we want, vecations, things for the children and more stuff.

as for being a house husband, i dont think ill have much of a problem with that but i think its better for both parents to work. both my parents worked and i think that the lack of house-keeper only made me more self dependant.

i wonder with whom a house husband hangs out with...

[Rain]

One thing i want to bring up, because i forgot to earlier

this doesn't mean that I think if a man is ok with having his wife earn more, then he shouldn't work at all and just rely on her for everything (ie a mooch)

unless they agree that he shouldn't be working, to be a househusband or whatever, but he shouldn't just assume that since she makes more he can just not work


Shdo- the neighborhood housewives:fu

[Shdo]

i dont think the wife would like that...


-hi honey how was your day?

-fine, i cleaned the house and went shopping with the girls...

-you did what?

-oh, nothing like that, i bought groceries and...

-with who??

-err...the girls? *dies*

[kiera2]

Interesting debate? What's to debate? Unless you have some seriously old ideas about gender roles I don't think you'd care either way.

[Nejibana]

I'm a girl and I wouldn't mind if I earn more than my husband or if he earn more than me. I would mind if we do the same work (at the same level I mean) and one earn more than the other.

Life is hard, so don't worry if one earns more, just be happy because you have the money to live.

[Shdo]

well, there have to be someone who support that thinking or else it wouldnt happen right?

hell, if people vote for arrenged marriage then why wont someone vote for this? eventually someone will vote for it (and my guess is that some would want to but they are afraid to vote to avoid being ganged up, this is an open poll. )

[cornflakes]

Interesting debate? What's to debate? Unless you have some seriously old ideas about gender roles I don't think you'd care either way.
Yah, well...... ^^' Seems pretty unanimous here on BA, in my class I was in the minority that didn't care, so I was under the impression that at least some people might think so. Most of the guys in my class felt that not being the breadwinner would emasculate them..... I'd imagined that it's a pretty common sentiment amongst men (and many women as well, I daresay).

hell, if people vote for arrenged marriage then why wont someone vote for this? eventually someone will vote for it (and my guess is that some would want to but they are afraid to vote to avoid being ganged up, this is an open poll. )
But votes are anonymous, right?


EDIT: Whoops, apparently not. I didn't know I could do that, lol.

[bradc]

There are guys out there who babysit the child, while the female go out into the workforce in this day and age. But also depending on what job you have makes up the difference of family income. You see more females doing administrative work than males counterparts, exceptions of banks and financial. Male would either be in business, technological or construction work. You still see females selling clothes in clothing, make up and shoe store, while their counterparts are home hardware department and sport.

You don't see a female working in construction site, but she would be working as contractor or architect in planning where to built or fix things. You also don't see female doing a fighter fighter job because weight and height difference do matter; if you can't get a man down from a burning building.

Depending the type of jobs the male usually make more, but that's not always the case in the business and police field. Some people been working there for longer period of time, and some people are constantly moving around.

Interesting debate? What's to debate? Unless you have some seriously old ideas about gender roles I don't think you'd care either way.

Gender role still makes up the difference, exception of culinary cooking world... How often you see a female doing construction worker job? There's a limit on how much a person weigh and height that will be suitable for the job. Even if it takes 3 men to move a large steel bar; they have type of body structure built to move it. If it was a female, she might have been crushed under it.

[Bleu]

Love is love.
We live in a day in age where women are making more money than men, so obviously there are going to be couples like that...

Get over your whole male superiority thing, and you'll see its fine >.>

[Frosted Heart]

Guys, if you don't like the topic of discussion, then just don't post in the thread. It's that simple.

For me, it doesn't matter which partner earns the most. As long as the family is happy and well provided for, who cares who brings home the bigger paycheck?

However I can see why some people in certain cultures would find it wrong for women to earn more than men. Not everyone has the same view as the Western world and men who earn less than women could be looked down upon by family, friends, and neighbours.

[Riekie]

Not as long as they are content with it. My mom makes more than my dad, saying as my mom's education is higher. but they never argue about it..my dad can't care less, and my mom doesn't even know how much she makes XDDD <---seriously.

[bradc]

We're no longer in the 16 - 18 century...

Women no longer stay at home like they used to cook, wash and take care of children; basically no one has the time for that anymore in this day and age. Since after the World War I and II where family sit together to have a family gathering meal; people still don't have time for that, not as often as they would like. If the family are able to sustain themselves no matter how big their paycheck and income maybe, then leave them alone.

There are people who still have rigid thinking of male vs. female and gender role, but the younger generation will prove them wrong that time have change in 20th century. If they don't change and then that's their problem.

[Tatsuki]

I have no problem with women making more than men, or for men staying home with their kids (I hate it when "babysitting" is used as a term for a man watching his own children, your kids=your responsibility, no matter what gender you are) or for women supporting their husbands through med/law school or some other academic endevour.

Marriage and family is a unit, and yucky jobs (housework/ diaper changing/ 3am feedings) must be done, it doesn't matter who does it.

BTW, men who are good with kids are mucho sexy to many a lady! :fangirl ;)

[Shdo]

However I can see why some people in certain cultures would find it wrong for women to earn more than men. Not everyone has the same view as the Western world and men who earn less than women could be looked down upon by family, friends, and neighbours.

actually if you think about it, the saying that we are in the 21 century dosnt say much.
today most of the world isnt what we describe as 'free' and that include many women around the world. in many countries there are many harmful laws against women to even have a job!

we are far from a time where we can say that we live in a enlightened world. perhaps areas but even that is arguable since we allow the suffering of an entire gender.

[Fyrefox]

I'm a guy. Personally, I'd love to stay home and cook/clean while my wife brings home the bacon. I'm a bit lazy, and so the less work, the better. I could live with such an arrangement, as it would allow me to pursue my hobbies after finishing the housework.

[emoloz]

Functionalist and new right would agree with that as there more into old fashioned values and the male being head of the household. I agree males may feel subjugated if that's the word because they have lost there role in some familiex. Not that this happens in every but they would feel a little bit down if there female partner/wife was earning more than them.

Personally nope. I don't believe in old values anymore and the fact now women have gained more equal rights why not? why can't the woman be the bread winner over the man? Society has changed and so has its structure and values that now it is not needed. It's not because am female either i agree with this its the fact that this is how society is and is moving on and it will be like this in some peoples situations.

The era of housewiffery is kinda dying.

[hottfroggy]

I'm a girl and I wouldn't mind. I just... don't mind, lol.

[Tatsuki]

I'm a guy. Personally, I'd love to stay home and cook/clean while my wife brings home the bacon. I'm a bit lazy, and so the less work, the better. I could live with such an arrangement, as it would allow me to pursue my hobbies after finishing the housework.

Think it's that easy, huh? :cool:

It's probably easier for both parties to work and let a housekeeper and nanny do the chores and change the diapers.

[cornflakes]

Get over your whole male superiority thing, and you'll see its fine >.>
Hey hey, be nice. Please remember that I don't think it's wrong at all. I was merely interested in hearing in detail what the other side had to say. :)

I'm a guy. Personally, I'd love to stay home and cook/clean while my wife brings home the bacon. I'm a bit lazy, and so the less work, the better. I could live with such an arrangement, as it would allow me to pursue my hobbies after finishing the housework.
:nuts Me too. It won't be all play and no work, but I imagine it's something like semi-retirement, especially with modern appliances like the washing machine, microwave oven, Tefal pans and dishwashers. xD

[Shdo]

i start to like that idea of house husband, but on the other hand that means i would be the main cook in the house and i dont want to be charged with the manslaughter of my family. lol.

[aquavit]

I hate to disillusion you cornflakes, but raising children and running a household is really a full-time job. :XD

There's always frozen food and you can always grill and make salads, Shdo. :XD

I am friends with a couple that I knew from grad school. While we were in school, the now husband used to tell us that he would stay home, cook, take care of the children and play his video games. His girlfriend, now wife, said she didn't mind.

They both got jobs after graduating but his heart was really not in his work. He spent more time renovating their house then his full-time job so he quit after a year or so. Then his wife had their daughter and he became a stay at home dad. He's very good at taking care of their daughter and he takes her to preschool classes along with the other stay at home moms and their kids.

In their situation, the wife made enough so that he could stay at home. I think having one person be a stay at home parent is a luxury but as to which person stays at home, it's up to the couple.

I think at least for people who grew up in the 1980s and onward, there really is no stigma now associated with a man earning less than his wife. My caveat is that I grew up in the US so I can only comment on what I know.

[Rain]

:lmao im suprised so many people see being a house husband as anything less than a normal full-time job

and that is the furthest thing from the truth there is.

being a stay at home parent is harder than most jobs you could have, if for only the fact that it doesn't end.


More on topic, I don't think there is anythign wrong with the woman earning more, but I would seriosuly have a problem with any person who figured that their partner earned enough, so they can just stay at home and relax (unless both people talked about it, and agreed that it is ok, best and such)

that mentally bugs me to no end

[Tatsuki]

:lmao im suprised so many people see being a house husband as anything less than a normal full-time job
and that is the furthest thing from the truth there is.
being a stay at home parent is harder than most jobs you could have, if for only the fact that it doesn't end.


Dang straight!

I've worked with kids aged 1-4 in various work settings. It's hard!

It's exhausting when your only doing it for 6-8 hours a day. Now throw in housework, cooking, 3am feedings, ear infections (they're the worst because they're really painful and can keep toddlers up all night---not to mention the occasional burst ear drum! Ouch!), strep throat, hours at the pediatrician's office, helping your kid with homework every night, etc, etc, etc, and it's true what they say---a mother's job is never done.

But if a Dad knows what he's getting into, he'll be great. I know lots of dads who share equal home/kid responsibilities with their wives, and their incredible! It's just amazing to see the devotion of a dad who'll stay up late to wash the dishes, help with a major book report ("Because the teacher said it's due tomorrow!"), and put the three-year old back to bed after he woke up from a nightmare---it's the sweetest thing ever!:love

Just don't underestimate the job! (One of my favorite books is I Sleep at Red Lights, a hysterical memoir about a stay-at-home dad who has to care for his toddler son and infant triplets after he's fired from his job...)

[binding-rain]

Dangit. Hit the wrong button. Voted would mind meant wouldn't.

I wouldn't mind though. Actually It wouldn't bother me in the least.

To me it has nothing to do with gender, but the person really. If they had a problem with it they really do have to work it out.

[Spartan27]

Well as a guy who is going into a profession that doesn't pay that well, I would welcome my wife earning more than me, in fact I've always hoped that I would find someone that would make more than me since that would mean a easier lifestyle for the two of us.

[cornflakes]

Dang straight!

I've worked with kids aged 1-4 in various work settings. It's hard!

It's exhausting when your only doing it for 6-8 hours a day. Now throw in housework, cooking, 3am feedings, ear infections (they're the worst because they're really painful and can keep toddlers up all night---not to mention the occasional burst ear drum! Ouch!), strep throat, hours at the pediatrician's office, helping your kid with homework every night, etc, etc, etc, and it's true what they say---a mother's job is never done.

But if a Dad knows what he's getting into, he'll be great. I know lots of dads who share equal home/kid responsibilities with their wives, and their incredible! It's just amazing to see the devotion of a dad who'll stay up late to wash the dishes, help with a major book report ("Because the teacher said it's due tomorrow!"), and put the three-year old back to bed after he woke up from a nightmare---it's the sweetest thing ever!:love

Just don't underestimate the job! (One of my favorite books is I Sleep at Red Lights, a hysterical memoir about a stay-at-home dad who has to care for his toddler son and infant triplets after he's fired from his job...)
xD You're probably right for parents of little kids, I was actually thinking of parents of older kids (>10 years old)... haha.

Though for me I wouldn't mind doing all that work anyways, spending time with your own kid(s) ain't the worst job in the world. ;)

[kiera2]

To add to what I said before: as a woman I would want to feel I was doing my part for the household, earning my bit, not just being supported by my partner. I wouldn't want to rely too much on another's income.

Most of the guys in my class felt that not being the breadwinner would emasculate them.....
Sounds like they need to sort out their insecurities.

Gender role still makes up the difference, exception of culinary cooking world... How often you see a female doing construction worker job?
How is this relevant? I thought this discussion was about income?

Personally, I'd love to stay home and cook/clean while my wife brings home the bacon. I'm a bit lazy, and so the less work, the better.
I take it you've never had to cook and clean for yourself on a regular basis. Trust me, it's BORING AS HELL. God. I would go mad within a week if that was all my life consisted of.

Might be a different matter once you have children, of course :P

[rayne_himura]

it can be an issue in some relationships but this how i look at it. either way both pay checks equal to one large sum so we can always share :D but yeah sometimes its used as a subject to hurt each other.

[ninhoic]

I'm all for women making the same or even more than men do. If I got married to someone who did in fact make more than me, I'd have no problem with that. I'd actually be pretty happy with that.

[neoleonhart]

hell no! why should it be wrong? i'm not that insecure about my masculinity and capabilities as a man!

[Fortunate]

I wouldn't mind. It most likely means that she's quite the woman. :p

[Fyrefox]

Dang straight!

I've worked with kids aged 1-4 in various work settings. It's hard!

It's exhausting when your only doing it for 6-8 hours a day. Now throw in housework, cooking, 3am feedings, ear infections (they're the worst because they're really painful and can keep toddlers up all night---not to mention the occasional burst ear drum! Ouch!), strep throat, hours at the pediatrician's office, helping your kid with homework every night, etc, etc, etc, and it's true what they say---a mother's job is never done.

But if a Dad knows what he's getting into, he'll be great. I know lots of dads who share equal home/kid responsibilities with their wives, and their incredible! It's just amazing to see the devotion of a dad who'll stay up late to wash the dishes, help with a major book report ("Because the teacher said it's due tomorrow!"), and put the three-year old back to bed after he woke up from a nightmare---it's the sweetest thing ever!:love

Just don't underestimate the job! (One of my favorite books is I Sleep at Red Lights, a hysterical memoir about a stay-at-home dad who has to care for his toddler son and infant triplets after he's fired from his job...)

Okay, this might or mght not stray off topic. I'm not sure yet.

But, I think I'll adopt a child rather than have a new one. The human population is too large as it is, why should I help it any? I'm not gonna have a child biologically related to me unless something happens to wipe out much of the population, or 3/4 of the world becomes sterile. Plus there are a bunch of kids out there who have been abadoned and abused. Why not give them a chance at a better life?

[Fyrefox]

I take it you've never had to cook and clean for yourself on a regular basis. Trust me, it's BORING AS HELL. God. I would go mad within a week if that was all my life consisted of.

Might be a different matter once you have children, of course :P

Sorry, I forgot to get my post that you quoted as well.

No, I haven't. But, I am bored with most anything, reguardless of how hard it's supossed to be. When everything is boring as hell, you look to the things that you enjoy the most.

[Shdo]

I find it weird that for now more girls have problem with this then guys. I wish they would explain their reason for choosing that way.

[mechaqua]

I really don't see the problem with a women earning more then a man. Marriage is a partnership, so inherently if one spouse is making more then another it should not matter because it both their income.

[Shinrin]

well going to the extreme:

Yes there should be differences

Nature formed the bodies differently if in a desperate situation 1 or the other needs more food then the other without any way to change that, then it won't really help to make it equal.
If a career person is doing the same thing as a family minded person then it get's more complicated.
You could say what about the ruffly said months of work with payment the family minded
person would gain to raise there children(with good reason)
Shouldn't the career minded person be able to take some months off as well with payment.

Also the question about if one family got 2 kids another got 4 that makes for more thinking about the budget etc etc etc


It all comes down to the individual case.

Personally I wouldn't mind at all if a future partner were to earn more then I do

[Rain]

I find it weird that for now more girls have problem with this then guys. I wish they would explain their reason for choosing that way.

Yeah, I'd liek to know as well

I recall one person clicking it by accident, but that leaves two more people who have a problem doesn't it


I wonder if the main problem is that if you think the women earns more, is the guy simply mooching off her and not working, or just overall not pulling his own wieght

I can see why that would bother people

[cornflakes]

I'm probably making generalizations here, but I think there tends to be a double standard concerning gender equality among some women. On one hand, they want equal job opportunities and personal freedom; on the other hand, they insist on the whole ladies-first mentality, where gentlemen should let ladies go first, ladies should do less work, it's wrong to strike a lady, etcetera.

I'm all for gender equality, but when I say that, I really mean gender equality, not merely tipping the scales the other way.

/rant

[Shdo]

i know what you are talking about, this is the most major problem for full equality because when the 'opressed' side dont want to be free there is little hope for it.

[spacecat]

LOL I don't see a problem at all, in Australia there is a trend of what we call "home hubbies" where the guy doesn't work at all and stays home and does housework and looks after the kids while the woman works. Personally I'm all for it, whatever works for you as a family. I don't know too many girls these days who expect a man to go do all the work and pay for the dinner etc. It's a bit old fashioned.

[ashido fan]

I'm a girl and I don't mind. But that doesn't mean he can live off me. My dad earns less than my mum cuz he works for the govenment but there isn't a problem. My dad pays the household bills, food and electronic gadgets,while my mum pays for my studies and college fee.

[DarkPulsar]

Lol, I actually voted wrong :oops

Sorry, like 6 am and no sleep yet...wasn't paying attention :D I'm a girl and don't mind. There's not much to really mind though, imo. If you're married to someone, you're basically working as a team anyways. I'd just think of it as what we make together that matters, rather than what each of us does individually.

[Gear#7(dizzy)]

I don't think income is not really a problem for someone who loves each other endlessly, BUT it does matter in the way you treat her/him with your income...(well, it's my opinion btw :thumbs)

[bradc]

i know what you are talking about, this is the most major problem for full equality because when the 'opressed' side dont want to be free there is little hope for it.

Is there oppression? There is people like Godzilla Condoleezza Rice and Nancy Pelosi working in the Congress and White House. And Hilary Clinton running for President. As much as I don't like either of them of how they run certain things, they are still powerful women regardless.

[memnarch]

My mom earns more than my dad and he doesn't mind. Neither will I when/if I get married.

[moonflowers]

@ cornflakes - What you ranted against isn't equality, it's girls who are bandying the word around to guilt trip stuff out of guys. I don't believe in that at all. I want equality, yes, but what I want is the opportunity to fairly earn that equal respect. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I should be treated differently - and that includes both being underprivileged and getting free passes in life.

I had a longstanding contest with my ex-boyfriend over who would open the door for the other. We'd both run for the door to open it first. I think he got it for me more often, but only because he's a triathlete and I'm asthmatic.

On topic: How's it wrong? If I had a husband who was doing something very meaningful that didn't pay as much, and wouldn't feel bad if I out-earned him, I'd gladly go support him. (Of course, if he were just at home playing video games... that's a different story.)

[McDoogle]

i dont see why i would mind, especially since i want to be earning a decent income, like £40k a yr, i guess i would only mind if it was effecting our lives in someway, like she was working too much or she was continuously rubbing it in my face :fu

[speedphantom]

I'm all for pro-women's rights so of course I wouldn't mind. Another thing is that I noticed everyone is like "sure why not have the wife earn more money" but I observed the use of the word "provider" or phrase "living off".

So just because either the husband or wife earns more, that automatically makes the person earning more the provider and the person earning less a non-provider? That's saying that people who earn more money are "superior" to those who earn least? That doesn't sound like much of a marriage if it's not a partnership of combined income. The two incomes make up the whole.

[lilsakura]

I know I'm not a guy but I thought i would add my two cents anyway. I don't find that it should be important who makes more or less. the important aspect is to choose a career path that is fulfilling to your needs and to your liking. In the end, both husband and wife provide to the best of their benfit and that should be enough.:)

[Shdo]

the only way i will feel bad about it is if my wife will earn several times more then me, somthing like 3 times, but it wont be because she is a woman but because it will make me feel like i am not doing enough for the family. i think i would feel the same if the case was opposite and i was a female and my husband would have earn much more then me.

since a family is a close group where both partners give as much as they can i would feel bad if i wont do my share.
i would feel the same even if we earn the same amount but it wont be enough for the things we want (good education for the kids and so on), its simply a guilt for not doing enough, regardless of gender roles.

[Luhy]

whoa o.o I'm the only guy who would mind? :hm I guess most guys are thinking along the lines Shdo does or aren't admitting it :hmph lol

I'm a bit traditional in my beliefs of family ;x If I had the choice, my future wife wouldn't work at all because, and only because, that's how that's the way I've imagined it and taught that it should be x.x I think it kinda helps a guys pride more than you might think (even if you're a guy lol) if he's the main breadwinner~

In reality though :hm I probably wouldn't mind if she's making more, because I would only marry someone I truly was in love with for the person that she is... money wouldn't matter, and I'd have no reason to feel insecure about myself if we're happy and in love~

[lilsakura]

whoa o.o I'm the only guy who would mind? :hm I guess most guys are thinking along the lines Shdo does or aren't admitting it :hmph lol

I'm a bit traditional in my beliefs of family ;x If I had the choice, my future wife wouldn't work at all because, and only because, that's how that's the way I've imagined it and taught that it should be x.x I think it kinda helps a guys pride more than you might think (even if you're a guy lol) if he's the main breadwinner~ In reality though :hm I probably wouldn't mind if she's making more, because I would only marry someone I truly was in love with for the person that she is... money wouldn't matter, and I'd have no reason to feel insecure about myself if we're happy and in love~

Omg...please don't take what I'm about to say offensively. I'll start off by saying that I am very much a feminist. I think its fine if a woman would rather stay at home and take care of her children. That's great but equality in the work place is something that women have largely fought for. WOmen should be treated equally. We are just as capable and just as intelligent. In fact, intelligence and capability is matter of the person in question, not the gender. By working, a woman is able to have a form of independence. She doesn't need to rely on her husband, financially. I find this to be very important. When you are financially dependent, your power automatically decreases. It doesn't matter who makes more but I find the independent freedom to be vital. The pride is only a sense of chauvinism and power play. Its a mechanism to try and outdo your wife. I'm sorry if this seems very strongly put but I'm not softspoken when I voice my beliefs.

[Luhy]

I definitely agree with most of what you said~ times have sure changed, there's no doubt x.x lol we live in a sex-crazed world where everyone has a lot of opportunity and the economy is a very iffy thing x.x lol but yea, about the chavanist power play comment, not at all ;o don't worry, I doubt you'll find anyone here who, even subconsciously, wants to have power over their wife like that in todays world~ I actually have a friend who's a stay-at-home dad, and his girlfriend is a model who brings home a lot of money, but he couldn't be happier, and his GF seems to like it that way too, so it goes both ways~ doesn't mean she's trying to keep him down or overpower him, it's just the way that they like it XP

You see, I've been supporting my parents and sister for a while now, and paying a mortgage, rent, and bills, so they can live in this apartment and trying to keep the house in PA they bought alive while they find work x.x lol I'm Italian, so the stereotype plays true to me, that I like to be the supporter~ It could be a sign of insecurity for sure by people who need to support, but when you do it for selfless reasons, I dunno if that deserves to be called chauvanist ;o lol In all reality, I could move out on my own again and let them lose that house, or go to TX and live the free life, but I choose to carry the burden~ and if I were married, I'd wanna give my wife the choice that she doesn't have to work if she didn't want to~ though if we had kids, I'd want at least one of us to be at home to raise and take of them (not like a nanny or something raising them a different way x.x) which is probably the main reason XP

[lilsakura]

I definitely agree with most of what you said~ times have sure changed, there's no doubt x.x lol we live in a sex-crazed world where everyone has a lot of opportunity and the economy is a very iffy thing x.x lol but yea, about the chavanist power play comment, not at all ;o don't worry, I doubt you'll find anyone here who, even subconsciously, wants to have power over their wife like that in todays world~ I actually have a friend who's a stay-at-home dad, and his girlfriend is a model who brings home a lot of money, but he couldn't be happier, and his GF seems to like it that way too, so it goes both ways~ doesn't mean she's trying to keep him down or overpower him, it's just the way that they like it XP

You see, I've been supporting my parents and sister for a while now, and paying a mortgage, rent, and bills, so they can live in this apartment and trying to keep the house in PA they bought alive while they find work x.x lol I'm Italian, so the stereotype plays true to me, that I like to be the supporter~ It could be a sign of insecurity for sure by people who need to support, but when you do it for selfless reasons, I dunno if that deserves to be called chauvanist ;o lol In all reality, I could move out on my own again and let them lose that house, or go to TX and live the free life, but I choose to carry the burden~ and if I were married, I'd wanna give my wife the choice that she doesn't have to work if she didn't want to~ though if we had kids, I'd want at least one of us to be at home to raise and take of them (not like a nanny or something raising them a different way x.x) which is probably the main reason XP

Well, I think its very admirable what you do for your family. I think its absolutely wonderful, in fact. I can respect that you leave the decision to your wife. We all should live however we want to. I just had a surge of feminist pride coming out. :o I'm sure there was no chauvinistic connotation involved. :D I guess you could say I'm a high school student with prospects for the future. I have of every intention of working hard and being successful and becoming a real activist, so to speak. :)

[Luhy]

thanks ;x lol and yea, I kinda thought that's what it was, which is great XP and you're planning on becoming an activist? o.o I bet you could do pretty well as a public speaker for women, there are a lot of girls out there with low self-esteem or insecurites :cry I'm a NY'er too and working at Times Square, Conde Naste (where they make all the magazines, Vogue, Cosmo etc...) and most of those models and writers are reeeeally opinionated ;o the millions of single women out there sinking their teeth into the working world are re-writing everything about marriage/relationships it seems ;x It's like a shocking thing now for people to even think about marriage until they're like 30+ now x.x well, at least here in NY ;o lol I went to TX for a week and it was the completel opposite o.o every single person had a boyfriend or girlfriend hanging on them, but like... not even talking... just to have someone I guess lol but that's getting into another debate (relationships vs flings or something... lol)

[lilsakura]

thanks ;x lol and yea, I kinda thought that's what it was, which is great XP and you're planning on becoming an activist? o.o I bet you could do pretty well as a public speaker for women, there are a lot of girls out there with low self-esteem or insecurites :cry I'm a NY'er too and working at Times Square, Conde Naste (where they make all the magazines, Vogue, Cosmo etc...) and most of those models and writers are reeeeally opinionated ;o the millions of single women out there sinking their teeth into the working world are re-writing everything about marriage/relationships it seems ;x It's like a shocking thing now for people to even think about marriage until they're like 30+ now x.x well, at least here in NY ;o lol I went to TX for a week and it was the completel opposite o.o every single person had a boyfriend or girlfriend hanging on them, but like... not even talking... just to have someone I guess lol but that's getting into another debate (relationships vs flings or something... lol)

I'm a fellow New-Yorker so I know. Also, I have no intention of marriage either. For me, if it happens then it does. I have so many aspirations for the future. I want to do so many things that marriage is a very distant thing for me and I'm not only saying that because I'm 16. I think what it is with NY is that we're more liberal and less old-fashioned. For the most part, that is. I mean I can be old-fashioned about a few things but for the most part I am incredibly liberal. Also, I've given a speech on feminism in my public speaking class. We were supposed to convince others on the concept. I did pretty well too. :p The problem with marriage/relationships is that people usually go to extremes. Either women call men offensive and baseless things because of one failed relationship and it also works the other way around. I think we should all look for a happy medium. :D

[Sexta Espada]

Well, it depends on the job of the man. Just as long as the guy likes his work, and happens to earn less $$ than his wife. Then I don't see nothing wrong with that.

[kiera2]

"If I had the choice, my future wife wouldn't work at all because, and only because, that's how that's the way I've imagined it and taught that it should be x.x"

I don't get how you can assume that a woman would choose not to work if given the option. Or that you think you'd be doing her a favour by letting her stay at home. I would hate a life without working. Can't imagine anything more boring.

[Who]

It doesn't matter at all. As long as we're both happy than whatever. The fact that the guy has to "bring home the bacon" is so stereotypical. I really would not care if she was making a penny more than me, or millions more.

[cornflakes]

"If I had the choice, my future wife wouldn't work at all because, and only because, that's how that's the way I've imagined it and taught that it should be x.x"

I don't get how you can assume that a woman would choose not to work if given the option. Or that you think you'd be doing her a favour by letting her stay at home. I would hate a life without working. Can't imagine anything more boring.
I would love a life without working, lol. I just have so many more things to do with my life than the prescribed-- college now, work in the future.

[kiera2]

I would love a life without working, lol. I just have so many more things to do with my life than the prescribed-- college now, work in the future.
By 'work' here I don't mean a stereotypical 9 to 5 bored-out-of-your-mind office work. I mean a career, something I enjoy doing, something interesting and exciting. I loved my years at college, I'm loving my postgrad course, and I can't wait to go pick something to do to earn money. But then, I'm one of those people who can't stand to sit still and waste time. If I'm not busy I'm not happy.

The idea of settling down, quitting my career to raise kids... that just sounds like the end of my professional life, and I can't stand the idea.

[Rain]

lol, i agree with kiera somewhat. A life without work can be boring, depending on whats going on at home. Being a stay at home parent can be more tedious than any job

we confuse a life without responsibility and a life without work, I think. But really, i wouldn't want either

I wouldn't mind my wife not working, but I just can't imagine it. marriage is the partnership between two people, both should pull their weight, however that gets done is what varies

[Luhy]

Well, It was like I said, I'd offer her the option, but if I was in love, I'd never force the woman I love to do something that would make her unhappy~ some girls would love to not need to work, some would hate it XP depends on the person~ I know for me personally as a guy, I'd love to not need to work if I didn't have to... lol

[H!Mandy]

Luhy, marry me ;D

xD

I'd like to work with something that I like, but I don't even know what that might be. if I had the choice to, for example, inherit a large sum of money and never working at all, I wouldn't mind

but back to topic: I think that nowadays it doesn't matter if the man gets a lower salary, really. both just need to be doing what they want to, and they need enough money for themselves and eventually their kids, that's it.

[kiera2]

if I had the choice to, for example, inherit a large sum of money and never working at all, I wouldn't mind
Okay, sure, it would be nice to inherit a huge sum of money and not have to worry about finances. But if that happened I'd still work. Or maybe just take one university course after another. I'd still do something more than just sitting around at home all day.

[Luhy]

lol Mandy :wha 'kay, let's go get hitched :hm

I think you made a good point for this debate too ;o Both the husband and wife should be doing what makes them happy if they're both working, and not worry about the finances~ If you have two incomes, even if one was minimum wage, you would be able to survive x.x lol (It just increased a bunch I think too) If I never had to worry about money... I'd just play semi-pro football... or be a part-time chef... or write books or something lol ;x I think that's more along the lines of what I had in mind XP I would take the "steady" job with higher income (like I have now) to support my wife, and let her choose whatever she wishes for herself, something fun or enjoyable without worrying about what she gets paid, or even no job at all if she has other things she would wanna do~

To keep it on track though, if it went the other way around and a guy was upset he earned less, I dont think that marriage has the best shot at lasting :hm If you're happy for one another and only care about each other, what does money matter? Unless it's like a sitcom where the guy acts like the money he makes is 100% his (making the wife feel un-important) If a marriage is based on money itself, it's doomed from the start really ;o

[suzy223]

Why the heck should it matter in the first place? This thread's title is sexist: 'Is it wrong for men to earn less than their wife'. Not to be a feminist, but what are you implying here? That women should always earn less than their husband?

A lot of men stay home and look after their kids these days. It's perfectly normal for a women to work and earn a lot more than her husband.

[Shdo]

the thread asks just that, 'Does it matter if the wife earns more than the husband?' and only 6 voted yes and 5 of them were girls.
the thread cant be sexist because its a debate thread and it goes both ways depending on the amount of people supporting each side.

[suzy223]

^The thread starter could have written the title in a different context. Like: 'Do you think men should earn less than their wife', or 'Should men earn more than women?'

But the fact that they put the word 'wrong' in there puts the title in a different context.

[cornflakes]

^The thread starter could have written the title in a different context. Like: 'Do you think men should earn less than their wife', or 'Should men earn more than women?'

But the fact that they put the word 'wrong' in there puts the title in a different context.
True dat. It even seems like that to me now, lol. :oops


But still, no need to get knee-jerk reaction, hey. Reading even the first two pages helps. :uhuh I was hoping to get some perspectives on this whole chauvinism/feminism thing, though I guess opinion on BA is pretty one-sided.

[Hiraeth]

This whole issue seems to stem from the idea that it is the responsibility of the man to provide for their family, as when a child is born the woman will have to take care of him, and therefore her husband will have to support them both. I have to say, if I get married, and if I then have children, I will be expecting my husband to take an equal amount of time to take care of our children as I will. Relationships should be about equality, partnership, and mutual trust and love. I have to say that if the man I was going to marry was the type of guy who made a fuss about things like our earning capacity then I honestly don't think I would be able to marry him. Things like this really shouldn't matter in the greater scheme of things. What matters is that the combination of the two incomes contribute to the wellbeing of the family unit as a whole.

[Shdo]

...though I guess opinion on BA is pretty one-sided.



which is annoying because i dont get to sharpen my fangs as i would like to...if someone didnt noticed i love to argue.

[halfnhalf]

well I think that it dosen't really matter. That is, it depends on such things as the particular society the couple lives in and such factors as that. Because I'm a guy, and I guess I would care, but if the people around me ask or comment on it, I guess my pride would be hurt. Because after all guys think of themselves as protectors. We protect the women because were manly and such but if the woman is making more, it means shes supporting the family shes supporting me. Now it wouldnt matter if the difference is minimal but if it is large difference then I guess I would feel like I can't support my family, I didn't do a good job, etc. that is unless my wife has an executive job, one famous one that I could use as an excuse. Its a complex thing and really has to do with pride and society's view of men, our view of men. The next question should be: do you think its wrong for men to be weaker than their wives? Because on that issure, I would be split.

[Rain]

lol, you bring up a good point,

it might not be "wrong' but how many guys would be ok with it to such an extent that they wouldn't have a problem telling everyone for instance


as for weaker, like physical strength

If I had a wife who was tronger than me, as long as she was attractive to me (like I didn't see her as looking totally butch) I wouldn't care

[gigantor21]

In a general sense, no. That should be up to the couple.

But personally, I wouldn't want to make any less than an even amount--not because I have to be the "alpha male provider" or whatever, but because I wouldn't want to feel like a burden on the woman. I'm a very individualistic person.

[Fyrefox]

which is annoying because i dont get to sharpen my fangs as i would like to...if someone didnt noticed i love to argue.

I, for one, noticed, as I love to argue too. This isn't a debate really, I'm not sure how it managed to stay as such.

[cornflakes]

lol, you bring up a good point,

it might not be "wrong' but how many guys would be ok with it to such an extent that they wouldn't have a problem telling everyone for instance
I think I wouldn't care...... I'm a slacker, and if my wife has no problem with being a sole breadwinner, then neither do I. Though as for telling everyone.... I think my parents would take it very badly, for instance.

The next question should be: do you think its wrong for men to be weaker than their wives? Because on that issure, I would be split.
If you mean physically, then no, I don't think I have a problem.... I'm comfortable enough in my own worth to not feel emasculated if my partner is stronger than me.

Though if you mean if she's the dominant one in the relationship, then yes, I'd have a problem. It's not a chauvinist thing, I wouldn't like it if I was the one dominating the relationship either. I just think a marital relationship should be between equals.

[♠ Saint ♠]

If I could have things my way, I would be an equal provider with my spouses. Should I have children... I think I'd expect my husbands to take care of the child. Not that I don't like children, I do, but I've never been much for the whole domestic sphere. I'd rather have a spouse or two to manage that while I work my keyster off to provide. That and I don't like to be idle too much or feel like I'm the mooch.

Unless I have a stroke of luck and marry a guy who makes quite a bit more than me. As long as I have some part-time work, I'll be alright with being a stay at home wife.

[Dopesmoker]

i could care less.

my girlfriend is going to end up making way more than me anyway.

[MiraofAzureSky]

I don't care which one of us makes more money, unless we're doing the exact same job. :hm (Unlikely)

A stay-at-home husband would probably freak me out at first, but I'd get used to it fast enough. :p

[Aizen]

I would not really mind, as long as the wife doesn't get too cocky about it and think I depend on her. lol.

[Abigail]

I'm a girl and not a wife yet. But in my opinion
I wouldn't mind if the woman receives higher compensation than her husband. As long as they were both earning.

[GreenBlack]

It depends. Are we on the same level of work? SHOULD we earn the same pay? If my husband is a doctor and I'm working at wal mart then no, I wouldn't mind. If the pay is just an equal based on level of expertise it should NEVER be an issue.

[Shinrin]

I'm kinda curious about another thing related to this.
How many guys get sacked or crack down compared to girls, since guys are known to bet more then girls that supposedly pick the less risky situation.

If the higher pay is dour to a higher risk...

[mechaqua]

I had a discussion with a friend of mine he seriously suggested that only the Man of the House should earn far greater pay the then the wife i told him does it matter really who makes more, as long as the income exceeded the debt incurred, he responded with that a woman primary job is to take care of the children because men suck at raising children, and are biologically not supposed to, (This is actually not the case in nature i could site a lot of cases were the male attends to the children but, i wont get into that) Now i remember in my childhood, Both My Father and Mother working making about equal pay, both cooked and clean and helped raise me and my sisters, aside from that i just wanted to put some other views out there even if they are not my own ;)

[Shinrin]

he responded with that a woman primary job is to take care of the children because men suck at raising children, and are biologically not supposed to, (This is actually not the case in nature i could site a lot of cases were the male attends to the children but, i wont get into that)


Any Primates among the ones?
Anyway we can't completely compare ourselves with primates, unless we expect something like a 9 year old to be a grown up...


Primates should be the best thing to compare us with rather then with Kangaroos, fishes, frogs etc

[Carrotsandroses]

I seriously wouldn't ever consider marrying a guy that was too damn insecure about his own masculinity that he would resent earning less than me. We are all people, and we deserve to get our proper compensation for our work, regardless of things like race or gender. How is a man possibly being masculine by showing me that he is so unsecure that he can't handle earning less?

As for the girls that voted that they would care, you aren't really empowering yourselves here. Don't treat yourself like an unequal gender. It's not going to help you out in any case.

[GIN_ofTheFunk]

Does it matter if the wife earns more than the husband?
Not really. I'm a girl and I dun care.
Besides, why is this communism? I know families where everyone is using his/her own salary without touching the money of his husband/wife. I dun know and I dun care. Life's too short to waste time for such matters. (=