Ignis Fatuus

[Luhy]

Over the crooked course of slow empty days,
One broken girl, in the dirt lays.
Her heart standers to wander, think and ponder.
Blue skies fall to black as she feels her spirits raise.
Shooting stars dance, painting the emptiness with a maze.

Her heart starts to falter, recalling him at the altar.
His face was aglow, a beacon, and shined.
The moment she held his hand, her feelings, defined;
As shooting stars fall, she wishes she could rewind.
She loved him so deeply, wondering how she could find...

Another man like him, someone who'd make her soar.
He this way of always making her want more;
His stories and his eyes, how he'd make her heart rise.
Fallen so deeply, she had been shaken down to her core.
Searching her feelings, she started to dig and bore.

Lying to herself, she tried to learn to hate him,
But no matter the reason, no matter the treason,
Her heart would still falter and spirits grow dim.
She stood up on her knees, numb through every limb.
Choking on tears under the unwavering dark decorum.

Her dress was soaked in mud, tears in her eyes;
All she can do is recall his kiss and her broken heart flies.
How could he have lied? How could her heart be denied?
The mud mixes with tears as her soul weakly cries.
Everything was eating at her, it was all a surprise.

The cicadas are chirping, watching her walk slowly.
Make-up running, her white dress soaked with filth.
The last shooting star falls, making her even more lonely.
Her eyes follow the stars fall, landing just only,
A few feet from a stranger, standing there hauntingly.

Could it be him? Did he realize he has wrong?
She gave him her heart right from the start.
Shadows and nothing more, she didn't belong.
Falling back to her knees, she heard the angels' song.
She wished she was, she wished could be strong.

Her body grew cold, wishing looking up to the sky.
He was there with her, and a tear came to her eye.
He kissed her softly, she felt her familiar high.
Holding her tight, he hugged her with all his might.
She closed her eyes, and felt her heart take flight.

[Kaori Machida]

That was wonderful! I loved it! I like the ending. It's so nice that he went back to her in the end. You're a wonderful poet!

[Luhy]

yea, I started to realize most of poems had sad endings... I wrote this one kinda vague so it had two meanings X3 the first was like you read it that he came back to her ^^ the other possiblity was since her body felt cold and she fell to her knees.. that she stabbed herself and died, and saw him as a hallucination :o thanks Kaori XD glad you like my stuff ^^ makes me wanna write more now... lol

[Kaori Machida]

Oooh I didn't think of that second explanation. It's cool how you did that. Usually sad poems are the best though. Not sure why, but they seem to make better poetry. At least to me. And yes, you should write more!

[Luhy]

mmmhm, I think so too... I should probably stick to it since it comes natural in my writing... not sure if that's good or bad XD "Ignis Fatuus" also means like an apparition or a ghost that's really a hallucination or scientifically explainable~ (shooting stars) X3

[melboyd~]

nice poem luhy~

i like both interpretations, but the one that i had in mind when i was reading it is..a girl who was broken hearted and was imagining her love to be by her side, even though she knew that it was impossible. this was made based on stanza 4 and 7. then the last part, i think, was her hallucination about him, since she felt 'her heart took a flight' ..(like she was freed from life= dead?) and had her last sweet memories of him :P

lol, i need to quote shini for my post:
Maybe because of my dark personality

[Luhy]

hehe, that was in my mind when i was writing it ^^ you know my style and how my mind works too well Mel XD <3 everything you said is the way I wanted the reader to interpret it ;p but I made it vague so it would be kinda tricky too X3 lol about the dark personality thing... i think we're all kinda dark though ;p what did you think about the structure of the poem?

AABAA DCCCC EEFEE GHGGG FFIFF JKJJJ LMLLL NNNOO

[melboyd~]

hmm, i'm glad that u summed up the structure for me XD. i dunno how to comment on that, but i know that when reading the poem, the feeling that i got from the rhyme of each stanza complimented the ones that are after and before them. maybe i should mention the tone too, it is dark ^^ (it started with a 'broken girl') even though there's one stanza about the altar,
Her heart starts to falter, recalling him at the altar.
His face was aglow, a beacon, and shined.
The moment she held his hand, her feelings, defined;
As shooting stars fall, she wishes she could rewind.
She loved him so deeply, wondering how she could find...
this is the only 'light' stanza, and is followed by a series of darker toned stanzas.. ^^! and the italicized line is my fav.

overall, this is a great poem and love the way u embedded 'shooting stars' or 'star' in some of the stanzas too~

[Luhy]

mmhm, it's definitely dark... lol I used the non-rhyming line of each stanza to change the mood too usually (even if its only that line, or all the lines following it) to the opposite~ happy to sad, sad to happy lol ;x this one took me like 3 hours to make x.x I wanted to end with two stanzas made of all the "non-rhyming" lines, but i think it was better that i didnt lol ;x I wonder if i get famous some day if this poem will get analyzed in schools... lol

see, I knew you liked the light stuff too ; ; lol that's why I tried to not write a dark poem ;p or is it that you like the light inside of a dark poem? XP

[melboyd~]

dark poems have always been the most interesting ones to be read imo. and when u added the 'lighter' part in between, it kind of adds some twist and depth in the poem. it'll be boring if the poem is monotone XP ur poems are interesting because there have always been a change of mood/tone somewhere in the lines ^^ (and usually in the last stanza or lines). it'll leave an open interpretation and that's the greatest thing~

hmm, who knows? maybe i'll use some of ur poems in my class >.> and will use my name and i'll credit u with it ^^

[Luhy]

lol Mel XD go ahead and say its yours if you want to use it for something, at least the poem gets heard by others X3 I think that's something I always try to do is make a twist or add multiple meanings... im happy you like it that way, since its almost all i do ;x lol

[couch_kamote]

That was such a nice poem! I wonder what inspired you to write it.

[Luhy]

mmm, I wanted to write something totally unique on my own ^^ usually I go with the same poem structure or same stories but changed a bit... so I was looking out my window to the park and started to brainstorm and came up with the story, then wrote the poem... the hardest part was the rhyming XD