My poem :D

[shinikage]

1st trial. Hope people like it.

The black wing

Darkness approaches

Somewhere, silently

Moving quietly

The black wing, it's shadow

Consuming the light, Engulfing the guilts



Enjoying the pitch black, is a man

A man laying on the wet, green grass

Laying under the giant wing, blending with the shadow

Enjoying the wind of the flapping wing

The cold wind from the insane mess

The soft, lonely wind,

With the smell of dark existence



As the wing flaps, and it flies,



He vanishes

[Luhy]

good symbolism... very open for interpretation too, which is always a sign of a good writer ^^ glad you decided to take a crack at poetry! was nice to read~

[shinikage]

Thanks ^_^

[melboyd~]

i'm gonna rep* u for this~ i still cant make up my mind on who is this 'man'...a death god? , or was it not a man at all.. just a figure of salvation (i mean, it feeds on guilt and all :P) lol. nah, i guess u rather leave the interpretation to us >.> post more~

edit: :yell need to rep others first ..

[shinikage]

Hehe, thanks. Any suggestion for improvement?

[melboyd~]

hm, dun think so..i find poems that are written by diff ppl have their own uniqueness. and i realized tht u avoid (or unconsciously) using pronouns. well, that's a good way to not be personal ^^

maybe next time, u want to come up with 2/4/5 lines stanza, or something along taht line . i like ur use of imagery and symbolism, so keep it up (hm, mind that this is just an opinion from a mere poetry fan). oh, maybe u want to try to make rhythmic poem? just to play with the words~

[shinikage]

That was happened unconsciously. Thanks for the suggestion ^_^