solina
02-25-2008, 07:39 PM
Chapter 1. Here With me
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Two figures were standing under dark sky, filled with stars, in a clearing surrounded with trees and cowered in snow which was steadily falling from the sky. Noises from the distant battles going between shinigamis and hollows could be heard in the clearing, sometimes a particularly strong flare of reiatsu could be felt. The other figure, an orange haired vizard who was wearing a hollow mask and holding a black long zanpakutoe for support as blood suddenly bursted from his left side. His mask shattered, leaving the boy gasping for breath as he collapsed on his knees. Other of the two was a shinigami wearing a long white coat, his right hand lightly holding to a bloody zanpakutoe which had taken the form of a long, white scimitar while his other hand held hoygyoku, which was pulsing lightly. Aizen Sosuke raised his eye brow as he observed the vizard short distance away from him.
"You should have known that seeing through my illusions wouldn't be enough boy." Aizen stated. "Your power may be enough to defeat my shikai but you will never reach the level to surpass my bankai, Kurosaki Ichigo." Ichigo gritted his teeth as he tried to fight against the dizziness that threatened to overwhelm him.
"Seems like you don't have any strength left to fight." Aizen sayed while staring at the boy intently. Ichigo lifted his gaze to Aizen as he started calmly approaching him.
Dammit! I can't lose now, whole Karakura, my family, my friends, it all will be lost, if I lose now! Ichigo thought franticly as Aizen neared. I have to get up! I have to defeat him! I will protect them! His bleeding had slowed down and he shakily stood up. Aizen smirked and then shunpoed. Ichigo quickly raised his Zangetsu and managed to block Aizen's Kyoka Suigetsu that would have beheaded him. Aizen then lifted his left hand still clutching hoygyoku and chanted.
"Blast spell ninety: Black sarcophagus!" And blackness surrounded Ichigo as countless blades pierced his body harming his organs and he was forced on his knees once more. Aizen quickly raised Kyoka Suigetsu and striked down. Ichigo closed his eyes only to open them again as blood was splattered around him, only it was not his blood. Grimmjow stood his back facing him, Aizen's zanpakuto buried deep in his shoulder.
"Grimmjow!" Ichigo yelled, completely shocked. More blood splattered on the ground and he realized that Pantera had pierced Aizen's chest. The shinigami stood very still, blood trickled down from his mouth and he let out a strangled sound. Grimmjow pulled his blade out and Aizen collapsed, dropping hoygyoku and his now sealed zanpakutoe. As he hit the ground his body dissipated. Ichigo quickly stood up as Grimmjow slowly turned.
"Ichigo" he whispered as he faced the vizard who quickly catched him as Grimmjow collapsed against him. Ichigo lowered them both on their knees, holding on to Grimmjow's arms.
"Grimmjow" Ichigo called his name shakily as he felt Grimmjow's reiatsu franticly dropping "Why, Grimmjow?" he asked as he tried to prevent a sob escaping from his lips. Grimmjow chuckled weakly.
"Che, always wanted to finish that bastard. He had that long coming." Grimmjow answered, a small cocky grin on his face, but it was weak as was his voice. Ichigo felt fear clutch his heart and willed himself to believe what he knew in his heart was impossible.
"It's gonna be okay Grimmjow, just hang on...-" he started but Grimmjow interrupted him.
"Ichigo, will you do me a favor?" he asked whispering. Ichigo simply nodded, not being able to answer in other way. "Will you purify me?" Grimmjow asked looking straight into Ichigo's shocked eyes.
"But... No, Grimmjow, no you are gonna be okay, you are gonna get healed..." he now couldn't hold back his sobbing "You are going to live..." Grimmjow simply shook his head.
"Ichigo, please... I want it to be done by your blade. I want to..." Grimmjow had to stop to fight against dizziness "...I want to have a heart. Like you Ichigo. You made me remember... what it's like to care." Ichigo couldn't move his eyes from the intensity he saw in Grimmjow's blue eyes. Grimmjow then grabbed Ichigo's blade lying on the blood stained snow, and raised it's tip to point his heart.
"Grimmjow" Ichigo could only whisper as his hands holding Grimmjow trembled. Grimmjow smiled at him weakly.
"Thank you Ichigo... for making me... making me remember that." Grimmjow whispered as he tightened his hold of the blade. "I love you" were his last whispered words as he thrusted himself to Zangetsu. As the blade pierced him, his body dissipated.
Harsh wind blew coldly as Ichigo watched it all, feeling numb. He was now alone in the clearing breathing heavily. One tear fell to the snow.
The vizard slowly raised his gaze to where Aizen's body had fallen and saw hoygyoku lying on the ground. Ignoring the pain pulsing trough his body and the aching of his heart he slowly rose and walked to the small round stone. He then picked it up and watched in silence for a minute.
It was this small object that had caused so much suffering, had caused death. He would take it to the shinigami's main force. There Urahara would then destroy his awful invention. I want to get to the others... Am so tired... Want this nightmare to end... I want to go to Ren... Want this all to go away... he could feel the reaitsu of hollows and arrancars disappearing, as shinigamis defeated their few remaining opponents. He felt relieved and started to walk in the direction of his friends when he suddenly felt multiple quickly approaching reiatsu.
Ichigo turned shocked realizing with dread, that a swarm of countless hollows was approaching him from the opposite direction of shinigami army. He felt his heart beat quicken and his palms started sweating. So many of them! They must be after the hoygyoku, now that Aizen has died! He then heard rustling sounds from behind him and quickly turned his zanpakutoe ready.
"Kurosaki-kun!" shouted an orange haired girl who came running to the snow cowered clearing.
"Inoue!" Ichigo yelled. Inoue Orihime reached him out of breath and her eyes widened and she forgot all else as she saw all the blood and the countless wounds that cowered Ichigo's body.
"Kurosaki-kun, don't worry, I will heal these wounds!" she said and prepared to summon her faeries, but Ichigo interrupted him.
"No, Inoue there is no time. The hollows are approaching... we can't let them have hoygyoku Inoue." Ichigo stated looking the girl intently. Inoue nodded.
"Then let's get away from here, Kurosaki-kun. We need to run to the army, they can handle all these hollows, come on!" she sayed and grabbed his arm to pull him along with her and, if necessary, support him. But Ichigo pulled back and shook his head.
"No Inoue. I can't shunpo in my condition and these hollows are too close." He then layed hoygyoku on Inoue's palm keeping his gaze fixed on the girls eyes. "Inoue... You need to take hoygyoku." For a moment Inoue stood in silence of the falling snow as her mind refused to understand the meaning of his words. Kurosaki-kun can't mean... No!
"No, Kurosaki-kun..!-"
"Inoue please. This is the only way. This is the only way to protect others." Ichigo sayed and urged her "Hurry Inoue! They are close!" But who will protect you, Kurosaki-kun!? Inoue screamed in her head.
But she knew there was no choice as she kept her eyes locked a moment longer with Ichigo. That she had to go. Had to leave Ichigo. She gripped hoygyoku in her hand as she took the first few steps away from Ichigo. Ichigo watched her as she then turned to look back at him.
"Goodbye Kurosaki-kun... And thank you... Ichigo" she whispered, feeling her voice quivering as she stood before the man she had come to love a long time ago.
"Goodbye Orihime" Ichigo answered quietly. Orihime then turned and ran.
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Orihime ran blindly in the dark forest, her unsteady breathing steaming in the cold air. She ran toward the reiatsu that belonged to shinigamis and her other friends. And away from his reiatsu. She tried to run so fast that she couldn't think, couln't feeel. She didnt't dodge the tree branches that whipped her face as she ran, she only lifted her legs high in the now thick blanket of snow. As she felt Ichigo's reiatsu rise she ran faster. Run... Don't think... He is counting on me... I can't fail him... I can't make his... He won't do this for nothing! I won't fail him!
Tears poured down her face. Don't think! She continued to run what felt like an eternity. Later as she tried she could not make herself remember anything from her run with hoygyoku except the snow that kept falling.
Finally she ran out of the forest and saw in a short the distance the mass of shinigamis. Some were slaying the few remaining hollows, some were healing their wounded comrades, but most were heading in her direction. However she then ran into her companions who were ahead of the other shihigamis, literally in Renji's case, who almost ran over her.
"Sorry Inoue, where is Ich... What's wrong Inoue!?" Renji asked panicking as she held on to the girl's arms. The tears were still making their way down her face and she clutched hoygyoku tightly. Rukia, Sado and Ishida had now also gathered around her, everyone feeling fear in them as they saw the girl cry. Inoue opened her mouth to speak when a feeling suddenly went washed through all of them.
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Renji had felt frantic while slashing through hollows and arrancars. His lover had gone on ahead to stop Aizen as his other companions had stayed behind to take down arrancars. When Ichigo had left Renji had shouted after him You better come back in one piece Ichi, you hear me!? Ichigo had given him one last glance and had replied I will and had given him one of his smiles he only gave to Renji, smiles that Renji had come to love more than his own life, before turning and leaving.
Since then Renji had been fighting without a break trying to get through the mass to go and help Ichigo. At one point Orihime had managed to break free and had gone ahead to help Ichigo. Renji and the remaining companions had gathered shortly after this to fight Ulquiorra. Fight had been going in Ulquiorra's favor, and would have likely ended in his victory had they not then suddenly had felt Aizen's looming reiatsu to disappear. Ulquiorra had then frozen on his spot eyes widening and he let out a shocked yell "Grimmjow!". This had given Rukia the opportunity to pierce her zanpakutoe through Ulquiorra's chest and he had died shocked expression on his face.
The group then had fought against a horde of lesser hollows. Through the fights Renji had been trying to feel for his lover's reiatsu, but it had been impossible when he was among so many fighting shinigami and hollow. Finally the group broke free and had almost reached the forest where Aizen had gone to prepare hoygyoku, in order to wipe Karakura off from the face of the planet. This is when Inoue had then emerged from the forest and ran into Renji who had been leading the group.
"Sorry Inoue, where is Ich... What's wrong Inoue!?" Renji's throat suddenly felt very dry as his heart now pounded faster than during the fighting as she looked Inoue's tear filled eyes. Why would she be this upset!? Could... No! Renji shouted in his mind. He tried to feel for Ichigo's reiatsu and just then it rose and... vanished.
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"Goodbye Orihime" Ichigo sayed quietly and watched as she turned and ran, disappearing among trees. Ichigo stared a moment after her. How badly he would have wanted to go with her! Go with Orihime to their friends, go to Renji. As Ichigo thought of him and saw his grin in his mind, he felt his eyes moisten and he forced himself to be strong as he turned to face the hollows he could now hear. For Grimmjow, his sacrifice wont be meaningless. For my family, I wont fail to protect my family never again. He concentrated his energy, calling it all to him. For my nakama, I won't have any one of them die anymore in this war. His wounds were still bleeding but he knew he could still hold on a bit longer. Long enough. Long enough for Inoue to reach others. Long enough. For you Ren... Thank you for being there for me.
He then saw the first line of hollows as they broke through the tree line. After that it was all a blur. He slashed, he dodged. Not letting a single hollow past him. He continued this for a long time until a hollow slipped through his defense and slashed it's claws deep into his left side. He let out a yell of pain, blood bursted from the wound and from his mouth as he lost his strenght, and released his grip on Zangetsu which fell in snow. The hollow drew back, and Ichigo fell down, a snowing, starry night sky filled his vision as his mind began to shut down.
Ichigo was lying on the ground in Urahara's hidden training grounds holding his stomach with laughter. Next to him lying in a similar condition was a red headed shinigami he had come to love and respect.
"That was so idiotic." Renji sayed still giggling, staring at the artificial sky of the training grounds.
"I know." Ichigo replied stabling his breathing. Renji suddenly rolled around and crawled the short space between them. Ichigo turned his gaze to the red head's dark eyes as he bent down over Ichigo and kissed him.
Hollow pierced it's long claw throuh Ichigo's chest, spilling even more blood to the red snow surrounding the shinigami, screaming in it's hunger for Ichigo's soul. But Ichigo felt no longer pain. Renji was there with him.
Ichigo wrapped his arms around his lover's neck and kissed him back. Renji pulled back and smiled as he stared into warm brown eyes and gently stroked Ichigo's cheek. Ichigo closed his eyes as leaned to the touch and kissed Renji's hand.
"I love you Ichi." Renji whispered looking lovingly in his hazel eyes. Ichigo smiled warmly at him.
"I am yours Ren. Always will be."
Hollows were suddenly pushed back as the last of Ichigo's reiatsu flared, and his spiritual body dissipated taking the vizard's soul away from their reach.
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Chapter 2. Promise
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Renji stood panting on the forest clearing, finally sealing and dropping Zabimaru without even realising it. His robes were torn and bloody, whether the blood was his, he did not know or care. It had finally quieted down after Renji had dispatched the last one of the hollows that had caused Ichigo's death. Snowing had ceased and first rays of the sun finally spread over the once pure white clearing, but which now was red with blood.
Rest of the group were near the tree line, wathing quietly as Renji finally finished killing the hollows. Orihime had sank on her knees and was silently crying against one of the trees. Ishida was kneeling next to her, stroking her back soothingly, angry expression on his face as he wached the clearing. Sado stood unmoving, yet his fist were clentching and his body was lightly shaking. Rukia stood before them, her head bowed and tears visible on her cheeks. They were all startled out of their dark reverie as Renji let out a long and pain filled yell and sank to his knees.
After the feeling of Ichigo's reiatsu had vanished, for a moment Renji had been stunned. His breathing had paused as one thought had ran trough his mind No... No... No... This is NOT happening... In his mind he saw Ichigo smiling at him as he left to fight Aizen. Something inside of him had then broken.
He had ran to the clearing where the hollows still lingered, bloodlust unlike anything he had ever felt before, driving him forward. As he had reached the clearing, he had seen a pack of hollows. They had been surrounding an area that was drenched in blood, their claws red. After that it was all a blur, as he had chanelled all of his pain, shock, terror and rage into slashing the hollows.
Then the hollows were gone and he had nothing to drown his feelings into. The realisation, in it's whole content, then hit him. He yelled until his voice couln't carry and sank to the ground, crying bitterly. I am so sorry Ichigo... This just can't be real... He hit his fist against the bloody ground. This wasn't supposed to go like this... Ichigo... You and I... You were supposed come live with me after this war Ichigo! Don't you remember Ichigo, you promised me to come back! I need you here with me! He then felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Renji..." Rukia called his name quietly, tears tracks were still visible on her cheeks. Renji raised his gaze and Rukia was stunned by the look in her friend's eyes. His eyes were so full of pain and other emotions that Rukia suddenly felt at loss of what to say to him.
"It... It's gonna be alright, Renj...-" Rukia started, but was interrupted by Renji.
"No! No, it's not gonna be alright Rukia! Don't you realise!" Renji yelled at her, and Rukia flinched. Renji drew in a breath as he continued. "Don't you realise that he will never come back?" Renji finished, his voice breaking.
"Renji..." she started, about to comfort him, but stopped as she then realised the meaning of his words.
As the war had started, they had all known the possibility that they would not all make it alive. But even then they had known, that nobody would be gone forever. Shinigami who died would be at some time reborn in Living World. Humans who died would emerge in Rukongai. That was the cycle.
Except... Except if the soul is devoured by a hollow... There had not been anyone around as Ichigo had fallen, nobody to protect his soul from the hungry hollows. Rukia didn't know what she could say now, too torn by the fate of one of her best friends to think clearly. But she then remembered something important from her own past.
"Renji... Even if that is true... Ichigo has left his heart with us, with you Renji. No matter what, he will never be truly gone."
Renji just sat there on the ground as tears continued to fall from his eyes, not being able to say goodbye.
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After the war and Ichigo's death life went on. Ichigo's human body was buried next to his mother. The time following was not easy for Ichigo's family. Karin withdrew from everyone else and Yuzu cried during nights. Isshin tried to remain strong despite having lost his son, focusing his will into not breaking down and being there for his daughters. Years following were not easy for the family, but life went on. The pain of their loss was always there, but it got easier over time. The family was eventually able talk about their memories of Ichigo without feeling the bitter sting of grief.
Soul Society had experienced heavy casualties during the war. Ichigo was not he only one lost, and the years following the war were used as time for healing for those who had lost their loved ones. The survivors helped one another during difficult times.
For Renji, it all felt unreal at first. As he attended Ichigo's funeral it didn't feel real, like it all was a bad dream. He expected Ichigo to show up suddenly, laugh and say You didn't think that something like hollows would kill me, did you?
But days and weeks went by and he didn't come. Slowly Ichigo's death became reality for Renji. His absence left a void in him. He started seeing nightmares of Ichigo fighting an army of hollows alone, and the hollows finally brutally killing him as Renji wacthed it all happen helpless. He would then wake up cowered in sweat and lie on his bed. Worst part was that then he would remember that the dream was reality. This made Renji avoid sleep for long periods of time. He lost his appetite in his depression and he tried to drown himself in work to avoid being alone in his thoughts. He started avoiding his friends, as being with his friends reminded him of Ichigo's absence.
He most propably would have become isolated from the people around him, had it not been his friends patience and their persistence to help him. They didn't leave him alone and looked after him. They knew that his grief would be present for a long time and accepted it.
At one point Renji realized that he was not the only one hurt by Ichigo's death. Renji had lost his lover, but Rukia and his other friends had lost a friend. That's when he somehow could finally see that he was not alone in his grief, and that Rukia and others didn't want to lose another one of their friends. He had then approached Rukia and appoligized for his behavior. Rukia had simply smiled and stated that she understood. She then had proceeded telling him that Ichigo would not have appreciated Renji mourning for him forever.
It had been for the sake of his friends and Ichigo that he had been able to let go of his all consuming depression.
Renji was determined that even though Ichigo was now gone he would never forget him, that he would forever remain as a part of his life. In that relatively short time that he had known and loved Ichigo, he felt that just by being around him, Ichigo had made him a better person. Ichigo had a caring nature, even if he tried not to show it. That was what first had made Renji attracted to the orange head.
He kept a picture of him and Ichigo on his night stand. The picture was taken only couple days after they had officially gone together. They had both been so happy.
At first it had been difficult just look at the picture. It had reminded him of his loss. Over time looking the picture became a part of his every day routine. As he would wake up in the morning or go to bed at night, he would look at the picture. Later when he would sometimes feel sad or tired, looking the picture gave him strenght, instead of reminding him of loss and sorrow.
Life went on and he was able to keep on going.
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Sun was setting in Seiretei as captain of the 3th division, Abarai Renji, walked from his division's head quarters. He walked leisurely as he was in no hurry. This had been a rare occurance ever since the new recruits from the academy had arrived about a month back, as there had constantly been problems that had required his attention. It didn't help that the number of the recruits had been unusually large that year. Finally things were starting to run smoothly and the recruits were starting to settle in, giving a much needed break for captains of all divisons.
As he was lost in his thoughts he almost walked past the short and black haired vicecaptain of the 13th divison.
"Earth to Renji! Are you there!" Renji stopped and turned to her.
"Oh, hi Rukia. I didn't see you there." he then greeted her. Rukia walked to him and they started walking side by side.
"I noticed. Are you that worn out from dealing with all these new recruits?" Rukia asked grinning. Renji snorted.
"Hah, you wish. I was just thinking that it's finally calming down in our division." Renji said and streched his arms.
"Yeah." Rukia answered almost absently, looking ahead. Renji looked at her, noticing the change in her tone.
"Is something wrong?" he then asked as Rukia's silenced lasted. Rukia looked up at him with concerned eyes.
"Actually Renji, I was thinking... Are you dealing okay?" Renji knew what she ment.
The anniversary of Ichigo's death was in next couple of weeks. As the anniversary neared each year Renji would slightly distant himself from everyone else. First Rukia had been heavily concerned by Renji's behavior, fearing that he would isolate himself again as he had done after Ichigo's death. Later Rukia had reazed that it was just Renji's way of mourning, and she got used to giving him space during those times. She still wanted Renji to know that she would be there for him should he want to talk.
They continued walking in silence for a minute until Renji stopped and Rukia turned to face him.
"It's not easy. I think that no matter how many years passes by, it will always be difficult. Specially when it's the anniversary..." he paused and looked at the sky which was coloured beautifully in the setting sun.
"I miss him. I miss his voice and I miss his smiles... I even miss the way he used to bicker with his hollow in his sleep. He muttered during nights and kept me up for hours. Back then it was such a pain, and now I miss even that." Renji explained, smiling lightly "Pretty stupid, huh?" Rukia shook her head.
"I know what you mean Renji. It's not the same drawing Chappy the bunny anymore, now that he isn't commenting how abnormally my drawings suck." They both laughed. It felt good, remembering those things. Rukia then smiled at Renji.
"Remember you can talk to me, alright?" Renji nodded, and Rukia turned, heading towards Kuchiki manor. Renji continued heading home.
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Kinoshita Kazuki was confused. He had been feeling very confused for almost a month now, ever since he had graduated from the shinigami academy and moved to Seiretei where he had been signed into 7th division.
Kazuki felt that he was an avarage shinigami. He had lived in Rukongai ever since he had died in the Living world at age of seven. He had posessed spiritual powers and had entered the shinigami academy, where he had graduated a month back.
Firstly people in Seiretei had acted strangely. There were people who he had never met before that would stare at him, even turn to look at him as he passed them by on the street. He had wondered the reason for this.
Then the second, and more pressing matter, was him. Ever since he had first seen Captain Abarai from distance, something had changed. He had felt as though he recognized the captain, though he had never once in his life seen him before. He had been enchanted by the way he had moved, the way he had talked. The same day as he had gone to sleep he had seen the most unusual dream. Involving him and the captain.
And that wasn't the end of it. After the first night's... intense dream, he started having more dreams. But the following ones weren't like the first one had been. He could dream about himself lightly chatting with Captain Abarai and then giving him a kiss, or the two of them figting, verbally and physically, or the two of them just laying together. It was dreams like these that confused him even more than the first one. Why would he see dream like that, dreams that were somehow very casual? He had seen the man only a few times, and even those times he had seen him from distance, yet he had started to feel as if he knew the man.
Then the symptons had began. He had started intetionally looking for him with his gaze as he would pass by Renji's divison's head quarters. Should he see him there, however briefly, his palms would start sweating, his heart beat slightly increase and his mouth dry. He had started thinking about him, wondering whether he was anything like he was in his dreams. He found himself hoping so.
This had led Kazuki to one conclusion. He didn't want to admit it, it was not like him. But he knew it was true. He had become infatuated with Captain Abarai. Man who he had never had a conversation with, man who didn't even know he existed. And that was confusing.
He was heading towards his divison as he pondered all this, trying to find a reasonable explanation. Then he felt a rather large reiatsu approaching him and saw a figure in distance. Oh fuck, it's him! It's okay, just play it cool. Greet him like he was any other captain. Not a captain you have had an erotic dream about. Shit, don't think about that now! He was shaken of his slightly panicky thoughts, when the captain suddenly gasped and halted, looking at him shocked. Kazuki opened his mouth to say, he didn't know what, when the red head shakily spoke.
"Ichigo?"
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Renji had been walking without really paying attention to his surroundings, when he suddenly got a weird feeling. As he looked up straight ahead of him everything had stopped. Wild, spiky and orange hair, brown eyes...
"Ichigo?" he had then asked. It couln't be, it was not possible...
"I- I think you are mistaking me for so- someone else...?" Kazuki suddenly felt a strong sense of deja vu. Ichigo?
Renji felt his eyes moisten. His voice. The voice he had so missed... All doubt now evaporated from his mind. Without registering the movement he had let out a yell and closed the short distance between them and wrapped his arms around the other. It was him... He was back, he had come back. His soul had not been devoured by the hollows all those years back, he was here...
"Ca- captain Abarai?" Kazuki stuttered. His face must have been then as red as Renji's hair. He had been stunned as the captain had suddenly held him and as he felt Renji's arms around him the feeling of contentment came over him. Renji...
Renji pulled back and smiled at him.
"I am sorry. You must be wondering why the hell a total stranger suddenly acts like I do." he stated his voice shaky.
"I... Well I..." Kazuki was for once at loss with words. Renji kept smiling at him, never breaking the eye contact. He felt more content than he had for years, more content than he had ever since Ichigo's death. He had found him again. He had gained another chance and he wouldn't wais it.
"It's a long story. You have time?" Renji asked. Kazuki didn't understand. His dreams and strange feelings towards the red head, the way Renji had held him. But he knew he would come to understand. He smiled back at him and answered.
"Yeah, I do."
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It's done! If anybody wonders, I named Ichigo Kazuki because the name means 'radiating hope', I thought that was proper! Also thank you Miyona and Luhy for commenting!
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Two figures were standing under dark sky, filled with stars, in a clearing surrounded with trees and cowered in snow which was steadily falling from the sky. Noises from the distant battles going between shinigamis and hollows could be heard in the clearing, sometimes a particularly strong flare of reiatsu could be felt. The other figure, an orange haired vizard who was wearing a hollow mask and holding a black long zanpakutoe for support as blood suddenly bursted from his left side. His mask shattered, leaving the boy gasping for breath as he collapsed on his knees. Other of the two was a shinigami wearing a long white coat, his right hand lightly holding to a bloody zanpakutoe which had taken the form of a long, white scimitar while his other hand held hoygyoku, which was pulsing lightly. Aizen Sosuke raised his eye brow as he observed the vizard short distance away from him.
"You should have known that seeing through my illusions wouldn't be enough boy." Aizen stated. "Your power may be enough to defeat my shikai but you will never reach the level to surpass my bankai, Kurosaki Ichigo." Ichigo gritted his teeth as he tried to fight against the dizziness that threatened to overwhelm him.
"Seems like you don't have any strength left to fight." Aizen sayed while staring at the boy intently. Ichigo lifted his gaze to Aizen as he started calmly approaching him.
Dammit! I can't lose now, whole Karakura, my family, my friends, it all will be lost, if I lose now! Ichigo thought franticly as Aizen neared. I have to get up! I have to defeat him! I will protect them! His bleeding had slowed down and he shakily stood up. Aizen smirked and then shunpoed. Ichigo quickly raised his Zangetsu and managed to block Aizen's Kyoka Suigetsu that would have beheaded him. Aizen then lifted his left hand still clutching hoygyoku and chanted.
"Blast spell ninety: Black sarcophagus!" And blackness surrounded Ichigo as countless blades pierced his body harming his organs and he was forced on his knees once more. Aizen quickly raised Kyoka Suigetsu and striked down. Ichigo closed his eyes only to open them again as blood was splattered around him, only it was not his blood. Grimmjow stood his back facing him, Aizen's zanpakuto buried deep in his shoulder.
"Grimmjow!" Ichigo yelled, completely shocked. More blood splattered on the ground and he realized that Pantera had pierced Aizen's chest. The shinigami stood very still, blood trickled down from his mouth and he let out a strangled sound. Grimmjow pulled his blade out and Aizen collapsed, dropping hoygyoku and his now sealed zanpakutoe. As he hit the ground his body dissipated. Ichigo quickly stood up as Grimmjow slowly turned.
"Ichigo" he whispered as he faced the vizard who quickly catched him as Grimmjow collapsed against him. Ichigo lowered them both on their knees, holding on to Grimmjow's arms.
"Grimmjow" Ichigo called his name shakily as he felt Grimmjow's reiatsu franticly dropping "Why, Grimmjow?" he asked as he tried to prevent a sob escaping from his lips. Grimmjow chuckled weakly.
"Che, always wanted to finish that bastard. He had that long coming." Grimmjow answered, a small cocky grin on his face, but it was weak as was his voice. Ichigo felt fear clutch his heart and willed himself to believe what he knew in his heart was impossible.
"It's gonna be okay Grimmjow, just hang on...-" he started but Grimmjow interrupted him.
"Ichigo, will you do me a favor?" he asked whispering. Ichigo simply nodded, not being able to answer in other way. "Will you purify me?" Grimmjow asked looking straight into Ichigo's shocked eyes.
"But... No, Grimmjow, no you are gonna be okay, you are gonna get healed..." he now couldn't hold back his sobbing "You are going to live..." Grimmjow simply shook his head.
"Ichigo, please... I want it to be done by your blade. I want to..." Grimmjow had to stop to fight against dizziness "...I want to have a heart. Like you Ichigo. You made me remember... what it's like to care." Ichigo couldn't move his eyes from the intensity he saw in Grimmjow's blue eyes. Grimmjow then grabbed Ichigo's blade lying on the blood stained snow, and raised it's tip to point his heart.
"Grimmjow" Ichigo could only whisper as his hands holding Grimmjow trembled. Grimmjow smiled at him weakly.
"Thank you Ichigo... for making me... making me remember that." Grimmjow whispered as he tightened his hold of the blade. "I love you" were his last whispered words as he thrusted himself to Zangetsu. As the blade pierced him, his body dissipated.
Harsh wind blew coldly as Ichigo watched it all, feeling numb. He was now alone in the clearing breathing heavily. One tear fell to the snow.
The vizard slowly raised his gaze to where Aizen's body had fallen and saw hoygyoku lying on the ground. Ignoring the pain pulsing trough his body and the aching of his heart he slowly rose and walked to the small round stone. He then picked it up and watched in silence for a minute.
It was this small object that had caused so much suffering, had caused death. He would take it to the shinigami's main force. There Urahara would then destroy his awful invention. I want to get to the others... Am so tired... Want this nightmare to end... I want to go to Ren... Want this all to go away... he could feel the reaitsu of hollows and arrancars disappearing, as shinigamis defeated their few remaining opponents. He felt relieved and started to walk in the direction of his friends when he suddenly felt multiple quickly approaching reiatsu.
Ichigo turned shocked realizing with dread, that a swarm of countless hollows was approaching him from the opposite direction of shinigami army. He felt his heart beat quicken and his palms started sweating. So many of them! They must be after the hoygyoku, now that Aizen has died! He then heard rustling sounds from behind him and quickly turned his zanpakutoe ready.
"Kurosaki-kun!" shouted an orange haired girl who came running to the snow cowered clearing.
"Inoue!" Ichigo yelled. Inoue Orihime reached him out of breath and her eyes widened and she forgot all else as she saw all the blood and the countless wounds that cowered Ichigo's body.
"Kurosaki-kun, don't worry, I will heal these wounds!" she said and prepared to summon her faeries, but Ichigo interrupted him.
"No, Inoue there is no time. The hollows are approaching... we can't let them have hoygyoku Inoue." Ichigo stated looking the girl intently. Inoue nodded.
"Then let's get away from here, Kurosaki-kun. We need to run to the army, they can handle all these hollows, come on!" she sayed and grabbed his arm to pull him along with her and, if necessary, support him. But Ichigo pulled back and shook his head.
"No Inoue. I can't shunpo in my condition and these hollows are too close." He then layed hoygyoku on Inoue's palm keeping his gaze fixed on the girls eyes. "Inoue... You need to take hoygyoku." For a moment Inoue stood in silence of the falling snow as her mind refused to understand the meaning of his words. Kurosaki-kun can't mean... No!
"No, Kurosaki-kun..!-"
"Inoue please. This is the only way. This is the only way to protect others." Ichigo sayed and urged her "Hurry Inoue! They are close!" But who will protect you, Kurosaki-kun!? Inoue screamed in her head.
But she knew there was no choice as she kept her eyes locked a moment longer with Ichigo. That she had to go. Had to leave Ichigo. She gripped hoygyoku in her hand as she took the first few steps away from Ichigo. Ichigo watched her as she then turned to look back at him.
"Goodbye Kurosaki-kun... And thank you... Ichigo" she whispered, feeling her voice quivering as she stood before the man she had come to love a long time ago.
"Goodbye Orihime" Ichigo answered quietly. Orihime then turned and ran.
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Orihime ran blindly in the dark forest, her unsteady breathing steaming in the cold air. She ran toward the reiatsu that belonged to shinigamis and her other friends. And away from his reiatsu. She tried to run so fast that she couldn't think, couln't feeel. She didnt't dodge the tree branches that whipped her face as she ran, she only lifted her legs high in the now thick blanket of snow. As she felt Ichigo's reiatsu rise she ran faster. Run... Don't think... He is counting on me... I can't fail him... I can't make his... He won't do this for nothing! I won't fail him!
Tears poured down her face. Don't think! She continued to run what felt like an eternity. Later as she tried she could not make herself remember anything from her run with hoygyoku except the snow that kept falling.
Finally she ran out of the forest and saw in a short the distance the mass of shinigamis. Some were slaying the few remaining hollows, some were healing their wounded comrades, but most were heading in her direction. However she then ran into her companions who were ahead of the other shihigamis, literally in Renji's case, who almost ran over her.
"Sorry Inoue, where is Ich... What's wrong Inoue!?" Renji asked panicking as she held on to the girl's arms. The tears were still making their way down her face and she clutched hoygyoku tightly. Rukia, Sado and Ishida had now also gathered around her, everyone feeling fear in them as they saw the girl cry. Inoue opened her mouth to speak when a feeling suddenly went washed through all of them.
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Renji had felt frantic while slashing through hollows and arrancars. His lover had gone on ahead to stop Aizen as his other companions had stayed behind to take down arrancars. When Ichigo had left Renji had shouted after him You better come back in one piece Ichi, you hear me!? Ichigo had given him one last glance and had replied I will and had given him one of his smiles he only gave to Renji, smiles that Renji had come to love more than his own life, before turning and leaving.
Since then Renji had been fighting without a break trying to get through the mass to go and help Ichigo. At one point Orihime had managed to break free and had gone ahead to help Ichigo. Renji and the remaining companions had gathered shortly after this to fight Ulquiorra. Fight had been going in Ulquiorra's favor, and would have likely ended in his victory had they not then suddenly had felt Aizen's looming reiatsu to disappear. Ulquiorra had then frozen on his spot eyes widening and he let out a shocked yell "Grimmjow!". This had given Rukia the opportunity to pierce her zanpakutoe through Ulquiorra's chest and he had died shocked expression on his face.
The group then had fought against a horde of lesser hollows. Through the fights Renji had been trying to feel for his lover's reiatsu, but it had been impossible when he was among so many fighting shinigami and hollow. Finally the group broke free and had almost reached the forest where Aizen had gone to prepare hoygyoku, in order to wipe Karakura off from the face of the planet. This is when Inoue had then emerged from the forest and ran into Renji who had been leading the group.
"Sorry Inoue, where is Ich... What's wrong Inoue!?" Renji's throat suddenly felt very dry as his heart now pounded faster than during the fighting as she looked Inoue's tear filled eyes. Why would she be this upset!? Could... No! Renji shouted in his mind. He tried to feel for Ichigo's reiatsu and just then it rose and... vanished.
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"Goodbye Orihime" Ichigo sayed quietly and watched as she turned and ran, disappearing among trees. Ichigo stared a moment after her. How badly he would have wanted to go with her! Go with Orihime to their friends, go to Renji. As Ichigo thought of him and saw his grin in his mind, he felt his eyes moisten and he forced himself to be strong as he turned to face the hollows he could now hear. For Grimmjow, his sacrifice wont be meaningless. For my family, I wont fail to protect my family never again. He concentrated his energy, calling it all to him. For my nakama, I won't have any one of them die anymore in this war. His wounds were still bleeding but he knew he could still hold on a bit longer. Long enough. Long enough for Inoue to reach others. Long enough. For you Ren... Thank you for being there for me.
He then saw the first line of hollows as they broke through the tree line. After that it was all a blur. He slashed, he dodged. Not letting a single hollow past him. He continued this for a long time until a hollow slipped through his defense and slashed it's claws deep into his left side. He let out a yell of pain, blood bursted from the wound and from his mouth as he lost his strenght, and released his grip on Zangetsu which fell in snow. The hollow drew back, and Ichigo fell down, a snowing, starry night sky filled his vision as his mind began to shut down.
Ichigo was lying on the ground in Urahara's hidden training grounds holding his stomach with laughter. Next to him lying in a similar condition was a red headed shinigami he had come to love and respect.
"That was so idiotic." Renji sayed still giggling, staring at the artificial sky of the training grounds.
"I know." Ichigo replied stabling his breathing. Renji suddenly rolled around and crawled the short space between them. Ichigo turned his gaze to the red head's dark eyes as he bent down over Ichigo and kissed him.
Hollow pierced it's long claw throuh Ichigo's chest, spilling even more blood to the red snow surrounding the shinigami, screaming in it's hunger for Ichigo's soul. But Ichigo felt no longer pain. Renji was there with him.
Ichigo wrapped his arms around his lover's neck and kissed him back. Renji pulled back and smiled as he stared into warm brown eyes and gently stroked Ichigo's cheek. Ichigo closed his eyes as leaned to the touch and kissed Renji's hand.
"I love you Ichi." Renji whispered looking lovingly in his hazel eyes. Ichigo smiled warmly at him.
"I am yours Ren. Always will be."
Hollows were suddenly pushed back as the last of Ichigo's reiatsu flared, and his spiritual body dissipated taking the vizard's soul away from their reach.
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Chapter 2. Promise
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Renji stood panting on the forest clearing, finally sealing and dropping Zabimaru without even realising it. His robes were torn and bloody, whether the blood was his, he did not know or care. It had finally quieted down after Renji had dispatched the last one of the hollows that had caused Ichigo's death. Snowing had ceased and first rays of the sun finally spread over the once pure white clearing, but which now was red with blood.
Rest of the group were near the tree line, wathing quietly as Renji finally finished killing the hollows. Orihime had sank on her knees and was silently crying against one of the trees. Ishida was kneeling next to her, stroking her back soothingly, angry expression on his face as he wached the clearing. Sado stood unmoving, yet his fist were clentching and his body was lightly shaking. Rukia stood before them, her head bowed and tears visible on her cheeks. They were all startled out of their dark reverie as Renji let out a long and pain filled yell and sank to his knees.
After the feeling of Ichigo's reiatsu had vanished, for a moment Renji had been stunned. His breathing had paused as one thought had ran trough his mind No... No... No... This is NOT happening... In his mind he saw Ichigo smiling at him as he left to fight Aizen. Something inside of him had then broken.
He had ran to the clearing where the hollows still lingered, bloodlust unlike anything he had ever felt before, driving him forward. As he had reached the clearing, he had seen a pack of hollows. They had been surrounding an area that was drenched in blood, their claws red. After that it was all a blur, as he had chanelled all of his pain, shock, terror and rage into slashing the hollows.
Then the hollows were gone and he had nothing to drown his feelings into. The realisation, in it's whole content, then hit him. He yelled until his voice couln't carry and sank to the ground, crying bitterly. I am so sorry Ichigo... This just can't be real... He hit his fist against the bloody ground. This wasn't supposed to go like this... Ichigo... You and I... You were supposed come live with me after this war Ichigo! Don't you remember Ichigo, you promised me to come back! I need you here with me! He then felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Renji..." Rukia called his name quietly, tears tracks were still visible on her cheeks. Renji raised his gaze and Rukia was stunned by the look in her friend's eyes. His eyes were so full of pain and other emotions that Rukia suddenly felt at loss of what to say to him.
"It... It's gonna be alright, Renj...-" Rukia started, but was interrupted by Renji.
"No! No, it's not gonna be alright Rukia! Don't you realise!" Renji yelled at her, and Rukia flinched. Renji drew in a breath as he continued. "Don't you realise that he will never come back?" Renji finished, his voice breaking.
"Renji..." she started, about to comfort him, but stopped as she then realised the meaning of his words.
As the war had started, they had all known the possibility that they would not all make it alive. But even then they had known, that nobody would be gone forever. Shinigami who died would be at some time reborn in Living World. Humans who died would emerge in Rukongai. That was the cycle.
Except... Except if the soul is devoured by a hollow... There had not been anyone around as Ichigo had fallen, nobody to protect his soul from the hungry hollows. Rukia didn't know what she could say now, too torn by the fate of one of her best friends to think clearly. But she then remembered something important from her own past.
"Renji... Even if that is true... Ichigo has left his heart with us, with you Renji. No matter what, he will never be truly gone."
Renji just sat there on the ground as tears continued to fall from his eyes, not being able to say goodbye.
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After the war and Ichigo's death life went on. Ichigo's human body was buried next to his mother. The time following was not easy for Ichigo's family. Karin withdrew from everyone else and Yuzu cried during nights. Isshin tried to remain strong despite having lost his son, focusing his will into not breaking down and being there for his daughters. Years following were not easy for the family, but life went on. The pain of their loss was always there, but it got easier over time. The family was eventually able talk about their memories of Ichigo without feeling the bitter sting of grief.
Soul Society had experienced heavy casualties during the war. Ichigo was not he only one lost, and the years following the war were used as time for healing for those who had lost their loved ones. The survivors helped one another during difficult times.
For Renji, it all felt unreal at first. As he attended Ichigo's funeral it didn't feel real, like it all was a bad dream. He expected Ichigo to show up suddenly, laugh and say You didn't think that something like hollows would kill me, did you?
But days and weeks went by and he didn't come. Slowly Ichigo's death became reality for Renji. His absence left a void in him. He started seeing nightmares of Ichigo fighting an army of hollows alone, and the hollows finally brutally killing him as Renji wacthed it all happen helpless. He would then wake up cowered in sweat and lie on his bed. Worst part was that then he would remember that the dream was reality. This made Renji avoid sleep for long periods of time. He lost his appetite in his depression and he tried to drown himself in work to avoid being alone in his thoughts. He started avoiding his friends, as being with his friends reminded him of Ichigo's absence.
He most propably would have become isolated from the people around him, had it not been his friends patience and their persistence to help him. They didn't leave him alone and looked after him. They knew that his grief would be present for a long time and accepted it.
At one point Renji realized that he was not the only one hurt by Ichigo's death. Renji had lost his lover, but Rukia and his other friends had lost a friend. That's when he somehow could finally see that he was not alone in his grief, and that Rukia and others didn't want to lose another one of their friends. He had then approached Rukia and appoligized for his behavior. Rukia had simply smiled and stated that she understood. She then had proceeded telling him that Ichigo would not have appreciated Renji mourning for him forever.
It had been for the sake of his friends and Ichigo that he had been able to let go of his all consuming depression.
Renji was determined that even though Ichigo was now gone he would never forget him, that he would forever remain as a part of his life. In that relatively short time that he had known and loved Ichigo, he felt that just by being around him, Ichigo had made him a better person. Ichigo had a caring nature, even if he tried not to show it. That was what first had made Renji attracted to the orange head.
He kept a picture of him and Ichigo on his night stand. The picture was taken only couple days after they had officially gone together. They had both been so happy.
At first it had been difficult just look at the picture. It had reminded him of his loss. Over time looking the picture became a part of his every day routine. As he would wake up in the morning or go to bed at night, he would look at the picture. Later when he would sometimes feel sad or tired, looking the picture gave him strenght, instead of reminding him of loss and sorrow.
Life went on and he was able to keep on going.
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Sun was setting in Seiretei as captain of the 3th division, Abarai Renji, walked from his division's head quarters. He walked leisurely as he was in no hurry. This had been a rare occurance ever since the new recruits from the academy had arrived about a month back, as there had constantly been problems that had required his attention. It didn't help that the number of the recruits had been unusually large that year. Finally things were starting to run smoothly and the recruits were starting to settle in, giving a much needed break for captains of all divisons.
As he was lost in his thoughts he almost walked past the short and black haired vicecaptain of the 13th divison.
"Earth to Renji! Are you there!" Renji stopped and turned to her.
"Oh, hi Rukia. I didn't see you there." he then greeted her. Rukia walked to him and they started walking side by side.
"I noticed. Are you that worn out from dealing with all these new recruits?" Rukia asked grinning. Renji snorted.
"Hah, you wish. I was just thinking that it's finally calming down in our division." Renji said and streched his arms.
"Yeah." Rukia answered almost absently, looking ahead. Renji looked at her, noticing the change in her tone.
"Is something wrong?" he then asked as Rukia's silenced lasted. Rukia looked up at him with concerned eyes.
"Actually Renji, I was thinking... Are you dealing okay?" Renji knew what she ment.
The anniversary of Ichigo's death was in next couple of weeks. As the anniversary neared each year Renji would slightly distant himself from everyone else. First Rukia had been heavily concerned by Renji's behavior, fearing that he would isolate himself again as he had done after Ichigo's death. Later Rukia had reazed that it was just Renji's way of mourning, and she got used to giving him space during those times. She still wanted Renji to know that she would be there for him should he want to talk.
They continued walking in silence for a minute until Renji stopped and Rukia turned to face him.
"It's not easy. I think that no matter how many years passes by, it will always be difficult. Specially when it's the anniversary..." he paused and looked at the sky which was coloured beautifully in the setting sun.
"I miss him. I miss his voice and I miss his smiles... I even miss the way he used to bicker with his hollow in his sleep. He muttered during nights and kept me up for hours. Back then it was such a pain, and now I miss even that." Renji explained, smiling lightly "Pretty stupid, huh?" Rukia shook her head.
"I know what you mean Renji. It's not the same drawing Chappy the bunny anymore, now that he isn't commenting how abnormally my drawings suck." They both laughed. It felt good, remembering those things. Rukia then smiled at Renji.
"Remember you can talk to me, alright?" Renji nodded, and Rukia turned, heading towards Kuchiki manor. Renji continued heading home.
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Kinoshita Kazuki was confused. He had been feeling very confused for almost a month now, ever since he had graduated from the shinigami academy and moved to Seiretei where he had been signed into 7th division.
Kazuki felt that he was an avarage shinigami. He had lived in Rukongai ever since he had died in the Living world at age of seven. He had posessed spiritual powers and had entered the shinigami academy, where he had graduated a month back.
Firstly people in Seiretei had acted strangely. There were people who he had never met before that would stare at him, even turn to look at him as he passed them by on the street. He had wondered the reason for this.
Then the second, and more pressing matter, was him. Ever since he had first seen Captain Abarai from distance, something had changed. He had felt as though he recognized the captain, though he had never once in his life seen him before. He had been enchanted by the way he had moved, the way he had talked. The same day as he had gone to sleep he had seen the most unusual dream. Involving him and the captain.
And that wasn't the end of it. After the first night's... intense dream, he started having more dreams. But the following ones weren't like the first one had been. He could dream about himself lightly chatting with Captain Abarai and then giving him a kiss, or the two of them figting, verbally and physically, or the two of them just laying together. It was dreams like these that confused him even more than the first one. Why would he see dream like that, dreams that were somehow very casual? He had seen the man only a few times, and even those times he had seen him from distance, yet he had started to feel as if he knew the man.
Then the symptons had began. He had started intetionally looking for him with his gaze as he would pass by Renji's divison's head quarters. Should he see him there, however briefly, his palms would start sweating, his heart beat slightly increase and his mouth dry. He had started thinking about him, wondering whether he was anything like he was in his dreams. He found himself hoping so.
This had led Kazuki to one conclusion. He didn't want to admit it, it was not like him. But he knew it was true. He had become infatuated with Captain Abarai. Man who he had never had a conversation with, man who didn't even know he existed. And that was confusing.
He was heading towards his divison as he pondered all this, trying to find a reasonable explanation. Then he felt a rather large reiatsu approaching him and saw a figure in distance. Oh fuck, it's him! It's okay, just play it cool. Greet him like he was any other captain. Not a captain you have had an erotic dream about. Shit, don't think about that now! He was shaken of his slightly panicky thoughts, when the captain suddenly gasped and halted, looking at him shocked. Kazuki opened his mouth to say, he didn't know what, when the red head shakily spoke.
"Ichigo?"
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Renji had been walking without really paying attention to his surroundings, when he suddenly got a weird feeling. As he looked up straight ahead of him everything had stopped. Wild, spiky and orange hair, brown eyes...
"Ichigo?" he had then asked. It couln't be, it was not possible...
"I- I think you are mistaking me for so- someone else...?" Kazuki suddenly felt a strong sense of deja vu. Ichigo?
Renji felt his eyes moisten. His voice. The voice he had so missed... All doubt now evaporated from his mind. Without registering the movement he had let out a yell and closed the short distance between them and wrapped his arms around the other. It was him... He was back, he had come back. His soul had not been devoured by the hollows all those years back, he was here...
"Ca- captain Abarai?" Kazuki stuttered. His face must have been then as red as Renji's hair. He had been stunned as the captain had suddenly held him and as he felt Renji's arms around him the feeling of contentment came over him. Renji...
Renji pulled back and smiled at him.
"I am sorry. You must be wondering why the hell a total stranger suddenly acts like I do." he stated his voice shaky.
"I... Well I..." Kazuki was for once at loss with words. Renji kept smiling at him, never breaking the eye contact. He felt more content than he had for years, more content than he had ever since Ichigo's death. He had found him again. He had gained another chance and he wouldn't wais it.
"It's a long story. You have time?" Renji asked. Kazuki didn't understand. His dreams and strange feelings towards the red head, the way Renji had held him. But he knew he would come to understand. He smiled back at him and answered.
"Yeah, I do."
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It's done! If anybody wonders, I named Ichigo Kazuki because the name means 'radiating hope', I thought that was proper! Also thank you Miyona and Luhy for commenting!