Spare the rod, Spoil the child?

[Siren]

Do you agree with this phrase? Do you think that spanking is a humane, effective way of reprimanding your children or that there are better ways in child rearing?

EDIT: Sorry, I should've explained the phrase to people not familiar with it. Literally, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" refers to the old biblical thought that if you don't use physical means of punishment to reprimand your children, then you are in turn spoiling them. Basically.

(If you spare the rod, you will spoil the child...)

[Rain]

I've never heard that expression before:headscratch

Spanking can be an effective way of punishment, but if it's done too much it will only cause more problems. The best way to discipline children is to use both reinforcment (rewards for good behavior) and punishment.

[spacecat]

It can be ok as long as you know where to draw the line. My parents gave me a smack now and then, it never really hurt or anything but i sure knew i was in trouble. I guess til I'm a parent I won't really know what I think.

[Syn]

Spoiling won't do any good either. Spanking only if it's very, very rare (and not hurtful) to make understand that the child did go too far. I've been slapped by my mum only once in my whole life, when I went too far :p and my adolescent crisis/rebel phase was done LOL.
Speaking though is the best way.

[Zelos]

i think spanking is humane but it was never effective for me when i was little, so my parents didnt do it very long. real punishment for me was when a favorite toy got taken away or if i couldnt have a favorite snack >.<

it probably depends on the kid since every kid has a different personality, so different things work as punishment.

[avidlinuxuser]

My parents never spanked me. I turned out just fine. What a good parent will do is use the punishment that is most effective and decent punishment. Every kid is different and will respond to a different stimuli The parent who chooses one method of punishment only is the parent who doesn't know his or her own kid.

[Frosted Heart]

Hmmm I've been belted before when I was young, but it never traumatized me or anything. :p The nuns that ran my school before (this wasn't in North America btw) also used to slap rulers against the hands of 'bad' students.

I'd say spanking is OK, but only if it's really deserved and never applied too harshly. No head slaps of course, and no use of belts/paddle/etc. Spanking isn't necessary to raise a good child but coddling a child isn't helpful either. Time outs and grounding should be used in most cases, IMO. Spanking is a last resort.

As long as the child is taught what is bad and why it's bad, then whatever method of punishment is alright by me. Children need to be taught that there are consequences to their actions. It's good to keep the reasons and methods for punishment constant of course.

[IvoryOrchid]

I think that spanking has the capability of being an effective way to teach a child consequences of their actions. However, I believe that it can also be abused to the point that it becomes more detrimental for the child than it would be helpful. Nevertheless, I agree with the comments above me that say that it depends on the child--for instance, some children can grow even more difficult and belligerent if they are physically punished by their parents, and so I think that the parents should use other disciplinary methods that would better fit their child.

Although, if you take Russell Peters' opinion--parents need to beat their kids (http://youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI) ;) (WARNING: only click the link if you're not offended by profanity :x)

[Siren]

I also agree that punishment should be centered around your child's temperment. When I was younger, I used to be very shy and timid, and my parents used hitting and spanking as the primary punishment. Yah...definately did a number on me...

Although I do think, used correctly, it can be an effective tool in parenting.

Frosted said that parents should only use it as a last resort, and I believe the same. I think a major problem I see with spanking is that allot of parents can fall into the trap of using it as their first and final resort. But even still, does anyone see a problem with imposing physical harm on their children? Does age have a thing to do with it?

[Save The Butter]

When I was a young I grew up in what you could call a ghetto. Quite a few of my friends were "bad". Their habbits from time to time would rub off on me and when ever my mother saw one of them she would lay into me with a belt. And she didn't use the leather part she used the buckle, hurt like hell but it definately stop me from making the same mistakes my old friends made.

[♠ Saint ♠]

Hmm... I used to get beat A LOT with a leather police belt owing to the fact that my stepdad is a cop. Granted, my mother would ground me for undetermined amounts of time, took the door off my bedroom to allow me zero privacy (which lead to me being absolutely nuts about having doors locked when I am around them), not being allowed to watch TV, listen to the radio, or go out with my friends (what few friends I did have) among other things. All this did was made me either a) suicidal or b) resentful and more rebellious.

On the flip side, my father NEVER raised a hand to me. He talked to me and treated me like an adult, always, even when I was small. Rather than suppressing my opinion, he encouraged it and listened, helping me to broaden my view on the world. The worst punishment he ever had to inflict on me to fix any wayward behavior was just to look at me and say that he was disappointed. That alone would crush me.

Hence, I have nothing but respect for my father and more loathing and hatred towards my mother. So I got to be raised by the two extremes.

[Agmaster]

Spanking is effective when the child does not have things to play with. When I was destitute, a beating (I like that word more) and being sent to my room was hell. I would cry from the pain and be forced to suffer alone. As I grew up and obtained things of interest in my room, discipline tactics changed to taking away things which I treasured.

Ooh ooh! I got it now. It's not being poor. When you are young you truly treasure nothing but yourself. When that is damaged you are saddened. As you get older you begin to value yourself less and the things around you more, so violence becomes less effective for the amount used. Oh sure, a plank to the head is an effective deterrent, but is a slap on the bum really anything but kinky by the time you are 13+?

[Cezaria]

My parents don't spank my little sister enough. That's why she's so annoying now =.=

[hdfisise]

i find if you don't discipline your child then they do get out of hand, i see it all the time with parents having to do what their child wants rather than what they want, just because the child is too spoilt.

however when the child reaches like 10 then they should be treated without beating as they would have the intelligence to know right and wrong

[Tomodachi69]

I've always kinda hated spanking. Not because it hurt, but just because I hated having to get slapped on the butt whenever I did something wrong. I personally think that talking, explaining, and other ways besides spanking right away are better forms of discipline.

But I guess I'll understand more when I become a parent? Maybe, but right now, I think I'd talk to my child and possibly put him/her in timeout to think about what they did wrong for them to LEARN and UNDERSTAND their wrongdoing rather than making them afraid to do something wrong for fear of being spanked.

[Marionette]

Um, I'm closer to my dad than I am to my mom, because I believe he is a good father despite that he beat me more than her (mostly b/c she didn't have the strength to grab on to me with my hair and stop me from running). But that doesn't change the fact that before he stopped beating me (I was fourteen or fifteen and I called the police) that I was barely passing my classes, constantly angry and knowing how to express it only by kicking things, afraid of people and in therapy.

I am none of those things today...actually I am more tolerant than most people my age and can handle stress better. No one but my close friends know that the stitches hidden with my eye brow and my chin wasn't from me not knowing how to walk at age eight, and the fact that I still wakes up with nightmares years after they stopped laying their hands on me. Most people who knew me wouldn't dream of calling me an angry person (they just gets quite a kick out of the music I listened to), but that doesn't changed what I still am and that I don't think I want children because I don't trust myself. And I don't believe in blaming your parents and hope that will make things go away because even it is their fault it is still your problem, you'd still have to deal with it yourself; but I do believe some people shouldn't be parents in the first place (but unfortunate they are); and I don't believe it for a second that when you use violence on someone (children, especially) that it have nothing to do with your own anger, or that you can control it, because it's so obvious to me that it isn't good for kids - like ♠ Saint ♠, all my father really have to do is say that he is disappointed; but a violent action toward me would only result in similarly violent reactions (or since I'm older and smarter now, I'll just make sure that the person sits their butt in jail for a good decade and will never be able to get a job in this part of the world again in their life when he gets out) no matter who it is. People growing up with violence as children may not become violent or withdrawn - but it would always be something whether it is visible or not, it's never no big deal.

[stifflersthedog]

Hmm i'd agree with it to a certain extent.

I mean i was givin hidings with a wooden spoon when i was small, but later my dad and mom, would only need to talk to me for me to understand. I dont believing in mindless beatings, which i think happen quite alot. In psychlogy they say you shouldn't break boundries with children, because that leads to all the problems and unrulyness. A child should hold a deep respect for there parents, espicially in early years, once a child become a teen, i say that a parent should become more open, and discuss any option with the child (a child who has respect from the early age will then respect the power that has been givin to them). Basically this is because the child is then capable of solid rational thoughts, and therefore "should" be reasonable. Assuming the parents have also not broken the set boundaries with the child it should all work out.


I see a lot of unruly children in London, and i just feel that if they had more "respect" then there wouldn't be a problem.

Just to summarise (cause it looks messy):
I say hidings (within reason) when a child is small, and usually incapable of understanding much else, is viable.
Once a child is old enough to think in rational terms, then the "favorable" option should be a stern discussion, where the child respects (due to the hidings in youth) the parent.
The boundaries that i speak of are (espiacially when young) going to bed late, eating what and when you want, basically giving the child to much of an "equal" footing with you (the parent)
Of course all this relies on some rather strong parents (mentally) just to keep there kid in check.

But ye respect, respect, respect